Surprise Me

A Lesson from Alzheimer's

2012-02-12T12:12:00.000-05:00

I attended a little video seminar at work presented by a woman whose husband had lived and died through Alzheimers. It made me remember a quote from last semester's counseling class... something about how we can't avoid the suffering, but we want to suffer well. And this woman walked beside her husband suffering well.
Here's what I learned from her:

Is what I'm saying or doing done in celebration or toleration of the people around me?

How would I feel if someone had just said what I said to me?

Are my words medicine?

Is this a battle that really matters?

After a setback or failure, why not do a little dance and start all over?

Are my decisions based on what is easiest for me or what honors my husband the most?

Although these questions are good to store up if my David does ever get Alzheimer's, they sure are applicable for today.

The Sun in My Eyes

2012-01-03T09:45:00.000-05:00

My office window looks east. A tad to the south, but mostly east. My office is fairly small. Stick a piano, a large desk, a chair and a book shelf in it - and everything fits Just So... leaving me with the delightful pleasure of having to sit facing the window. Horses in the back ground to the far right. Large trees not too far off, and a tiny garden closer than that. It's really nice. So, I want my window blinds open. Even if that means fighting the morning sun to see the computer or anything else on my desk.

That sun consumes my vision. Which brings "Be Thou My Vision" to the forefront of my mind. If God could consume everything I see...

nought be all else to me, save that Thou Art...

Preparation.

2011-12-27T16:11:00.000-05:00

I am cleaning out my office. Well, to be truthful, I am gathering all the junk I can find and throwing it in the middle of the office. Mind you that my office is the size of a bathroom. Not one of those with a huge garden tub, but just a very normal bathroom. Which means that my big pile of junk makes it impossible to get to and frow in here.

But, it's almost a new year. Here at work I have a new semester to think about. I will have some former students and a few new ones. I'll have some former classes and a new one or two. I will have some former co-workers, and a new one as well.

So, it seems right to clean up and clean out my space. And it seems right to pray as I do it... pray for wisdom and the fruit of the spirit. Pray for these students, classes and co-workers. Pray for my first full year of marriage and of living in Austin.

My mother-in-law gave me a Paperwhite Bulb Kit. You add warm water to a flat disk. That becomes some kind of soil. Then, you plant the four bulbs. And you hide it under your desk for two weeks. Well, that's what I'm going to do, anyway. Then, on the first day of classes in 2012 I will bring it out into the sun. I cannot wait to watch it grow.

And I will be hibernating myself these two weeks... growing roots of prayer so that when the light hits in a couple of weeks, we'll all be ready to see what God is going to grow in us.

The Gifts of 150 Days

2011-08-21T11:15:00.000-05:00

a new country

a new address

a new name

a new husband

a new family

a new city

a new church

a new small group

a new job

a new routine

a new garden

a new proximity to family

a new bed

a new haircut

a new way of doing finances

a new way of doing most everything

Emotions

2011-06-14T08:06:00.001-05:00

This has been an influential and challenging sermon series. I should listen to the whole thing once a month! If you only listen to one sermon, listen to "Sanctification & Our Emotions Part 3". Really good stuff!

http://www.monergism.com/mp3/2011/06/biblical_emotions_20_mp3_sermo.php

"I've Got You"

2011-06-04T10:39:00.000-05:00

My nephew has Cerebral Palsy. But, that doesn't stop him from being like any other young boy when it comes to the pool. He loves to swim! For Taylor to swim, it takes two. You have to hold him in the water. He reminds you often to not let go. While we were swimming yesterday, his arms were tightly wrapped around my shoulders. And I was walking across the water. He must have felt like I was a little unsteady, because this time, he said, "Don't worry- I've got you."

How often do I do that with God? When I feel like things are a little unstable - I make sure God knows I have the situation under control. What I'm really thinking is that I have Him under control.

And I think of Romans where it says that While we were still helpless, powerless, with-out strength, Christ died for us... And I am still helpless. I don't have the power to control things. I don't even have enough strength to love well, be selfless enough, or wise enough. And that same Christ is still saving me. And I'm thankful that that old Footprints In The Sand poem is exactly right. It's Christ who is never letting me go.

X-Ray Questions from David Powlison

2011-03-06T10:04:00.002-05:00

35 X-Ray Questions for the Heart

What do you love? Hate?
What do you want, desire, crave, lust, and wish for? What desires do you serve and obey?
What do you seek, aim for, and pursue?
Where do you bank your hopes?
What do you fear? What do you not want? What do you tend to worry about?
What do you feel like doing?
What do you think you need? What are your 'felt needs'?
What are your plans, agendas, strategies, and intentions designed to accomplish?
What makes you tick? What sun does your planet revolve around? What do you organize your life around?
Where do you find refuge, safety, comfort, escape, pleasure, and security?
What or whom do you trust?
Whose performance matters? On whose shoulders does the well being of your world rest? Who can make it better, make it work, make it safe, make it successful?
Whom must you please? Whose opinion of you counts? From whom do you desire approval and fear rejection? Whose value system do you measure yourself against? In whose eyes are you living? Whose love and approval do you need?
Who are your role models? What kind of person do you think you ought to be or want to be?
On your deathbed, what would sum up your life as worthwhile? What gives your life meaning?
How do you define and weigh success and failure, right or wrong, desirable or undesirable, in any particular situation?
What would make you feel rich, secure, prosperous? What must you get to make life sing?
What would bring you the greatest pleasure, happiness, and delight? The greatest pain or misery?
Whose coming into political power would make everything better?
Whose victory or success would make your life happy? How do you define victory and success?
What do you see as your rights? What do you feel entitled to?
In what situations do you feel pressured or tense? Confident and relaxed? When you are pressured, where do you turn? What do you think about? What are your escapes? What do you escape from?
What do you want to get out of life? What payoff do you seek out of the things you do?
What do you pray for?
What do you think about most often? What preoccupies or obsesses you? In the morning, to what does your mind drift instinctively?
What do you talk about? What is important to you? What attitudes do you communicate?
How do you spend your time? What are your priorities?
What are your characteristic fantasies, either pleasurable or fearful? Daydreams? What do your night dreams revolve around?
What are the functional beliefs that control how you interpret your life and determine how you act?
What are your idols and false gods? In what do you place your trust, or set your hopes? What do you turn to or seek? Where do you take refuge?
How do you live for yourself?
How do you live as a slave of the devil?
How do you implicitly say, “If only…” (to get what you want, avoid what you don't want, keep what you have)?
What instinctively seems and feels right to you? What are your opinions, the things you feel true?
Where do you find your identity? How do you define who you are?

Cheaters Never Win

2011-02-22T06:29:00.000-05:00

I count my Weight Watchers points on line. And I sometimes am tempted to cheat. I mean, if I type in that I had a tablespoon of butter, that's telling the truth, right? Even when it was a heaping tablespoon - it was still a tablespoon. Right.
Right.
Right.
Until my scale tells me otherwise. It's the real judge of whether or not I'm really being truthful.
What's the big deal - no one is going to really care if I cheat on my Weight Watchers points. It doesn't hurt anyone.
Except me.

Influences

2011-02-21T05:27:00.000-05:00

I am re-reading one of my favorite authors, Ruth Reichl, one of the world's most famous food critics. In her books, she weaves stories of her influences as a child that lead her to this life. It was a little of this and a little of that. Well, more accurately, it was a little of this person and a little of that person: the butcher explaining the cut of meat every Saturday morning, a waiter taking her back in the kitchen, eating at a friend's house, lunches on rainy days with her grandmother, a chef playing "guess what's in this"...

And I am reminded that every time I spend time with a child, talking to her and listening to her, I too, can influence her future. May I be really purposeful today.

Transition Model by David Pollock

2011-02-18T07:50:00.001-05:00

I have been studying Pollock's work in looking at the transition(s) I'm about to make. But I think they hold true for all of our transitions in life. And there area lot of them! Whether it's a move or a new job or new church... or a new baby or marriage or death of a loved one or retirement, it's healthy for us to find vocabulary for what's going on. Though this does not excuse poor behavior or sin, knowing it is "normal" will help us in the journey. Also, it will help us support the people around us. When I look at my life, I'm asking many, many people to walk beside me - and I'm forcing a lot of transition in their lives as well - and the more we can talk about it, think about it and pray about it, the better the next few seasons will be.

Pollock uses a lits of words to describe how things "fit" socially and psychologically for 5 stages of transition.

1. In Being INVOLVED (This is where you are at home – what you are used to)

Belonging

Inclusion in group

Reputation

Position

Known (friends: confide, listen)

Commitment

Responsive

Responsible

Be Friend

Intimacy

Affirmed

Secure

Safe

2. In LEAVING

Separating

Closure

Recognition

Farewells (Celebration)

Withdrawal/Exclusion

Feeling Betrayed

Disengaging

Relinquish roles

Distance

Criticism

Loosen ties/conflict

New relationships

Closure

Denial

Rejection

Resentment

Grief/Sadness

Postpone Good-byes

Emphasize Future

Idealize

Expectations

3. In TRANSITION

Unknown

No Status

No Structure

Clueless

Chaos

Exaggerated problems

Exaggerated behavior

Misunderstanding/

Ambiguity

Self Centered

Isolation

Anxiety

Fearful

Uncertainty(schedule, job, duties, care)

Dreams

Emotional Instability

Grief

Disappointment

4. In ENTERING

Marginal

Superficiality

Tentative Acceptance

Uncertain of placement & use

Misinterpret

behaviors/signals

Searching “mentors”

Introducing

Marginal

Observing

Risk Taking (good & bad)

Special Knowledge without use

Uncertain of knowledge

Must initiate relationships

Searching for “mentor”

Trust Issues

Vulnerable

Loss of self-esteem

Loss of continuity with past (sacred objects)

Loss of identity

Ambivalent

Psychosomatic problems

Grief Processing

Depression

5. In RE-ENGAGING (This is where the new situation feels like home.)

Belonging

Inclusion in group

Reputation

Position

Known (friends: confide, listen)

(Outsider/Newcomer)

Commitment

Responsive

Responsible

Friend

(Surprise adjustments)

Intimacy

Affirmed

Secure

Safe

(Alien)

Dear Old Woman,

2011-02-08T09:14:00.000-05:00

OK, ok... I know you're not old. But it's not me who's calling you that... it's Paul! He's the one who said it, not me. Some translations use the adjective mature or older. If, I'm picking, I'll use the word "more experienced"... because even though we're almost the same age, you have lots of years ahead of me when it comes to being a wife. And I just want to say Thank You for being real with me. Thank you for telling me the truth sides of marriage... how wonderful it is - and how very, very hard it is. Thank you for telling me how you have to continually grow in both the attitude of and actions of loving your husband. Thank you for telling me how it is God who is equipping you. Thank you for letting me hear how you are praying for God to mature you. Thank you for talking about how God will be faithful to finish what He has started in both you and your husband. Thank you for talking about how your learning about submission of the heart - to both your husband and to the Lord. Thank you for talking about your husband in a honoring way, one that doesn't hurt his reputation in my eyes. Thank you for telling me that I will need to do the same. You're doing exactly what Paul describes when he tells Titus how to train women in the church.

...teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live... then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands...

This love their husbands is a compound word - one that literally means agape of husband. You know agape - that famous love word of friendship, dearness, enjoyment of, wanting the best for, taking care of. And you teach me how to do that. Don't stop.

Playing Together

2011-02-07T05:19:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine went to a driving range to practice her golf swing. There she saw two professional basketball players. Whether or not you call playing pro ball "work", these guys work together all the time. And here they were hanging out together. It was just a reminder to me that we need to be pro-active in developing relationships outside our normal spheres. I don't know if their golf swings improve their hoop scores, but I'm sure the knowing each other and liking each other does.

Jealousy or The Web of Love

2011-01-09T00:50:00.001-05:00

Sometimes we women have the tendency to grow jealous of other people's relationships. Friends, family, even with the pastor's wife... sometimes we see something on Facebook or hear an antidote and think: What?! I wasn't invited to go with them to lunch? We see a child growing close to another adult and wish we could win their affections as well. We see our grand-kids' pictures with the other set of grandparents and feel like we are being robbed.

CS Lewis wrote of friendship in his book "The Four Loves" after his friend, Charles Williams, died. He talked about how Charles could make Ronald Tolkien laugh. Because of Charles' and Ronald's friendship, CS Lewis had more - not less - of Ronald Tolkien than if their relationship had just been between the two of them.

"In each of my friends there is something that only some other friend can fully bring out. By myself I am not large enough to call the whole man into activity; I want other lights than my own to show all his facets.... "

What a reminder to make sure we are celebrating all the facets of the people in our lives - rejoicing how each relationship they have can bring glory to God and reveal His gifts.

Today's Decision

2011-01-08T06:14:00.000-05:00

I really enjoy shopping at my little shops.

I love walking in and the shop keeper knowing things about my life. I like knowing what they were cooking for Christmas dinner. I like that they remember what I bought last time and why I bought it and they ask how the product worked out. I like that they can see on my face if I'm having a home-sick day. On particularly lonely or frustrating days, they brighten up my life.

But yesterday, I had a bad experience. A shop keeper (where I had never been before) crushed my spirit.

I walked away thinking how in America, you don't go to the store and walk out with a different countenance. In America, you can breeze in and out without being noticed. But that's not always true, is it? There are times when people are rude. And there are times when people lift you up. And the truth is that I can be one way or the other in my influence of other peoples' lives.

Recently, my friend answered the question: What's the biggest decision you are going to make today? with I will have to decide if I am going to treat my children kindly. It's a decision that we all have to make with everyone who comes across our path.

Andrew Peterson - Dancing in the Minefields (Official Video)

2010-12-01T01:48:00.000-05:00

Well, I was 19 you were 21 the year we got engaged

And everyone said we were much to young, but we did it anyway
We got the rings for 40 each from a pawn shop down the road
And we said our vows and took the leap now 15 years ago

And we went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storms
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for

Well “I Do” are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another, I’ve heard, is a good place to begin
‘Cause the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down
And I believe it’s an easy price for the life that we have found

And we’re dancing in the minefields
We’re sailing in the storms
And this is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for
That’s what the promise is for

So when I lose my way, find me
And when I loose love’s chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith, to the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me

‘Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there’s nothing left to fear
So I’ll walk with you in the shadow-lands
Till the shadows disappear

‘Cause He promised not to leave us
And His promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos
Baby, I can dance with you

So, let’s go dancing in the minefields
Let’s go sailing in the storms
Let’s go dancing in the minefields
And kicking down the doors

Let’s go dancing in the minefields
And sailing in the storms
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for
That’s what the promise is for

Ideas for the "I'm Bored" Moments:

2010-11-20T04:07:00.000-05:00

(all of these are appropriate for any age group and for doing in community)
1. Clean out a drawer.
2. Clean off your desk. (Even if it is just putting things in piles.)
3. Go for a walk.
4. Write a letter.
5. Lay on the floor and listen to music with your eyes closed.
6. Find 3 things you don't wear in your closet and put them in the give-away-bin.
7. Give away the things in the give-away-bin.
8. Memorize a verse from the Bible.
9. Draw a picture. Stick figures count!
10. Have a pretend tea-party with a child.

What is the difference between loving and enabling?

2010-11-17T03:24:00.000-05:00

This applies for all of our relationship roles: as parents, friends, spouses, teachers, leaders, and as the body of Christ...

Temptation Times Two

2010-11-16T02:36:00.000-05:00

Two new stores opened down the block.

One is a high-end furniture and decorating store. Think "Ballard Designs"... in whose catalog I find my dream home. Sigh... The other is a - well, think Dollar General.

So, do I buy a coffee mug (which I don't need) for $35 dollars or do I buy 35 coffee mugs for $35? Hmmm....

Cemetery Tears Part 2

2010-11-11T04:05:00.000-05:00

Last night my dear friend asked if "Everything is OK" referring to http://everydaysurprises.blogspot.com/2010/11/cemetery-tears.html.

Yes. Everything is alright. The sin (my own) has been repented of and the stress... well, even if it isn't completely gone - it looks different with the new mercies of a new morning.

But that doesn't take away the lesson... that all the bad things - and all the good things... especially considering this sweet season of marriage planning that is full of God's blessings... even these really good things of God are nothing. They are like withering flowers, dried up grass in this true reality of Eternity.

From Johnathan Edwards

2010-11-10T01:20:00.002-05:00

Being sensible that I am unable to do any thing without God’s help, I do humbly entreat him, by his grace, to enable me to keep these Resolutions, so far as they are agreeable to his will, for Christ’s sake.

Remember to read over these Resolutions once a week.

1. Resolved, That I will do whatsoever I think to be most to the glory of God, and my own good, profit, and pleasure, in the whole of my duration; without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriads of ages hence. Resolved, to do whatever I think to be my duty, and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved,so to do, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many soever, and how great soever.

2. Resolved, To be continually endeavouring to find out some new contrivance and invention to promote the forementioned things.

3. Resolved, If ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.

4. Resolved, Never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God, nor be, nor suffer it, if I can possibly avoid it.

5. Resolved, Never to lose one moment of time, but to improve it in the most profitable way I possibly can.

6. Resolved, To live with all my might, while I do live.

7. Resolved, Never to do any thing, which I should be afraid to do if it were the last hour of my life.

8. Resolved, To act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings, as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God. Vid.July 30.

9. Resolved, To think much, on all occasions, of my dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.

10. Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.

11. Resolved, When I think of any theorem in divinity to be solved, immediately to do what I can towards solving it, if circumstances do not hinder.

12. Resolved, If I take delight in it as a gratification of pride, or vanity, or on any such account, immediately to throw it by.

13. Resolved, To be endeavouring to find out fit objects of liberality and charity.

14. Resolved, Never to do any thing out of revenge.

15. Resolved, Never to suffer the least motions of anger towards irrational beings.

16. Resolved, Never to speak evil of any one, so that it shall tend to his dishonour, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.

17. Resolved, That I will live so, as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.

18. Resolved, To live so, at all times, as I think is best in my most devout frames, and when I have the clearest notions of the things of the gospel, and another world.

19. Resolved, Never to do any thing, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour before I should hear the last trump.

20. Resolved, To maintain the strictest temperance in eating and drinking.

21. Resolved, Never to do any thing, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him.

22. Resolved, To endeavour to obtain for myself as much happiness in the other world as I possibly can, with all the power, might, vigour, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of.

23. Resolved, Frequently to take some deliberate action, which seems most unlikely to be done, for the glory of God, and trace it back to the original intention, designs, and ends of it; and if I find it not to be for God’s glory, to repute it as a breach of the fourth Resolution.

24. Resolved, Whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, till I come to the original cause; and then, both carefully endeavour to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.

25. Resolved, To examine carefully and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and so direct all my forces against it.

26. Resolved, To cast away such things as I find do abate my assurance.

27. Resolved, Never wilfully to omit any thing, except the omission be for the glory of God; and frequently to examine my omissions.

28. Resolved, To study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly, and frequently, as that I may find, and plainly perceive, myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.

29. Resolved, Never to count that a prayer, nor to let that pass as a prayer, nor that as a petition of a prayer, which is so made, that I cannot hope that God will answer it; nor that as a confession which I cannot hope God will accept.

30. Resolved, To strive every week to be brought higher in religion, and to a higher exercise of grace, than I was the week before.

31. Resolved, Never to say any thing at all against any body, but when it is perfectly agreeable to the highest degree of christian honour, and of love to mankind, agreeable to the lowest humility, and sense of my own faults and failings, and agreeable to the golden rule; often, when I have said any thing against any one, to bring it to, and try it strictly by, the test of this Resolution.

32. Resolved, To be strictly and firmly faithful to my trust, that that, in Prov. xx. 6. ‘A faithful man, who can find?’ may not be partly fulfilled in me.

33. Resolved, To do always what I can towards making, maintaining, and preserving peace, when it can be done without an overbalancing detriment in other respects. Dec. 26, 1722.

34. Resolved, In narrations, never to speak any thing but the pure and simple verity.

35. Resolved, Whenever I so much question whether I have done my duty, as that my quiet and calm is thereby disturbed, to set it down, and also how the question was resolved. Dec. 18, 1722.

36. Resolved, Never to speak evil of any, except I have some particular good call to it. Dec. 19, 1722.

37. Resolved, To inquire every night, as I am going to bed, wherein I have been negligent,—what sin I have committed,—and wherein I have denied myself;—also, at the end of every week, month, and year. Dec. 22 and 26, 1722.

38. Resolved, Never to utter any thing that is sportive, or matter of laughter, on a Lord’s day. Sabbath evening, Dec. 23, 1722.

39. Resolved, Never to do any thing, of which I so much question the lawfulness, as that I intend, at the same time, to consider and examine afterwards, whether it be lawful or not; unless I as much question the lawfulness of the omission.

40. Resolved, To inquire every night before I go to bed, whether I have acted in the best way I possibly could, with respect to eating and drinking. Jan. 7, 1723.

41. Resolved, to ask myself, at the end of every day, week, month, and year, wherein I could possibly, in any respect, have done better. Jan. 11, 1723.

42. Resolved, Frequently to renew the dedication of myself to God, which was made at my baptism, which I solemnly renewed when I was received into the communion of the church, and which I have solemnly re-made this 12th day of January, 1723.

43. Resolved, Never, henceforward, till I die, to act as if I were any way my own, but entirely and altogether God’s; agreeably to what is to be found in Saturday, Jan. 12th. Jan. 12, 1723.

44. Resolved, That no other end but religion shall have any influence at all on any of my actions; and that no action shall be, in the least circumstance, any otherwise than the religious end will carry it. Jan. 12, 1723.

45. Resolved, Never to allow any pleasure or grief, joy or sorrow, nor any affection at all, nor any degree of affection, nor any circumstance relating to it, but what helps religion. Jan. 12 and 13, 1723.

46. Resolved, Never to allow the least measure of any fretting or uneasiness at my father or mother. Resolved, to suffer no effects of it, so much as in the least alteration of speech, or motion of my eye; and to be especially careful of it with respect to any of our family.

47. Resolved, To endeavour, to my utmost, to deny whatever is not most agreeable to a good and universally sweet and benevolent, quiet, peaceable, contented and easy, compassionate and generous, humble and meek, submissive and obliging, diligent and industrious, charitable and even, patient, moderate, forgiving, and sincere, temper; and to do, at all times, what such a temper would lead me to; and to examine strictly, at the end of every week, whether I have so done. Sabbath morning, May 5, 1723.

48. Resolved, Constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence, and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that I may know whether I have truly an interest in Christ or not; that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of. May 26, 1723.

49. Resolved, That this never shall be, if I can help it.

50. Resolved, That I will act so, as I think I shall judge would have been best, and most prudent, when I come into the future world. July 5, 1723.

51. Resolved, That I will act so, in every respect, as I think I shall wish I had done, if I should at last be damned. July 8, 1723.

52. I frequently hear persons in old age say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: Resolved, That I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age. July 8, 1723.

53. Resolved, To improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer. July 8, 1723.

54. Resolved, Whenever I hear anything spoken in commendation of any person, if I think it would be praiseworthy in me, that I will endeavour to imitate it. July 8, 1723.

55. Resolved, To endeavour, to my utmost, so to act, as I can think I should do, if I had already seen the happiness of heaven and hell torments. July 8, 1723.

56. Resolved, Never to give over, nor in the least to slacken, my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.

57. Resolved, When I fear misfortunes and adversity, to examine whether I have done my duty, and resolve to do it and let the event be just as Providence orders it. I will, as far as I can, be concerned about nothing but my duty and my sin. June 9, and July 13, 1723.

58. Resolved, Not only to refrain from an air of dislike, fretfulness, and anger in conversation, but to exhibit an air of love, cheerfulness, and benignity. May 27, and July 13, 1723.

59. Resolved, When I am most conscious of provocations to ill nature and anger, that I will strive most to feel and act good-naturedly; yea, at such times, to manifest good nature, though I think that in other respects it would be disadvantageous, and so as would be imprudent at other times. May 12, July 11, and July 13.

60. Resolved, Whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination. July 4 and 13, 1723.

61. Resolved, That I will not give way to that listlessness which I find unbends and relaxes my mind from being fully and fixedly set on religion, whatever excuse I may have for it—that what my listlessness inclines me to do, is best to be done, &c. May 21, and July 13, 1723.

62. Resolved, Never to do any thing but my duty, and then, according to Eph. vi. 6-8. to do it willingly and cheerfully, as unto the Lord, and not to man: knowing that whatever good thing any man doth, the same shall be receive of the Lord. June 25, and July 13, 1723.

63. On the supposition, that there never was to be but one individual in the world, at any one time, who was properly a complete Christian, in all respects of a right stamp, having Christianity always shining in its true lustre, and appearing excellent and lovely, from whatever part and under whatever character viewed: Resolved, To act just as I would do, if I strove with all my might to be that one, who should live in my time. Jan. 14, and July 13, 1723.

64. Resolved, When I find those ”groanings which cannot be uttered,“ of which the apostle speaks, and those ”breathings of soul for the longing it hath,” of which the psalmist speaks,Psalm cxix. 20. that I will promote them to the utmost of my power; and that I will not be weary of earnestly endeavouring to vent my desires, nor of the repetitions of such earnestness. July 23, and Aug. 10, 1723.

65. Resolved, Very much to exercise myself in this, all my life long, viz. with the greatest openness of which I am capable, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him, all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and every thing, and every circumstance, according to Dr. Manton’s Sermon on the 119th Psalm,. July 26, and Aug. 10, 1723.

66. Resolved, That I will endeavour always to keep a benign aspect, and air of acting and speaking, in all places, and in all companies, except it should so happen that duty requires otherwise.

67. Resolved, After afflictions, to inquire, what I am the better for them; what good I have got by them; and, what I might have got by them.

68. Resolved, To confess frankly to myself, all that which I find in myself, either infirmity or sin; and, if it be what concerns religion, also to confess the whole case to God, and implore needed help. July 23, and August 10, 1723.

69. Resolved, Always to do that, which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it. Aug. 11, 1723.

70. Let there be something of benevolence in all that I speak. Aug. 17, 1723.

From Dr. RC Sproul

2010-11-08T06:25:00.002-05:00

Entering into Your Priesthood

In the sixteenth century, Martin Luther formulated the concept of the priesthood of all believers. Contrary to widespread misconceptions of this doctrine, Luther did not mean to reduce the supernatural concern of personal redemption to a core or essence of social concern.

In reaction to the modernist-fundamentalist controversy, many evangelicals, zealous to retain the biblical concern for personal redemption, began to minimize or even reject the social agenda of the New Testament. Social concern and relief ministry became identified with liberalism. Ministry to the poor, the homeless, the hungry, and the imprisoned was often all-too-willingly surrendered to the state or the liberal church.

This reaction was utterly foreign to and in violation of the clear mandate of Scripture. James wrote concerning the essence of pure religion: "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world" (James 1:27, NIV).

Coram Deo: Living in the Presence of God

What are you doing to help those around you who are in distress? Are you keeping yourself clean from the world's pollution,, as James admonishes?

For Further Study

Matthew 5:16: "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven."

James 1:27: "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world."

Micah 6:8: "He has shown you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?"

Awards

2010-11-08T01:56:00.000-05:00

When I was in 7th grade, I determined myself to win a certain award as a senior in high school. Ummm... I don't remember what the award was called - but I paid attention every year to who won it. My best friend, Moni, knew that I was longing for this recognition. On the night of the Senior Awards Banquet, she presented me with a necklace as my best-friend-award. I lost that necklace somewhere in Iowa on a college trip. And I want it back. The trophy in the trophy case at Canyon High School... well, after these 17 years - who cares that my name is on it? But that friendship? Though it's long distance, I love having my name still on it.

And I'm looking at my goals, good things I want for my family, my ministry, my life... and I just want to be really careful that I'm working towards the right things.

Figurative Language

2010-11-05T07:13:00.000-05:00

‎"You have listened to fears, Child," said Aslan. "Come, let me breathe on you. Forget them. Are you brave again?" -C.S. Lewis, Prince Caspian

Psalm 73, A Prayer

2010-11-05T04:23:00.001-05:00

I’m looking at my right hand. Nails un-manicured. A chubbiness from a life time of gluttony. Life lines that have touched both the good and the bad. And You hold me. You hold me with Your hand. You never let go. Whether or not I see You or want You or realize my desperate need for You; You are there. You protect me from myself. You pull me away from where my heart is going to take me. You pull me away from the edge. You hold on so tightly my feet can’t slip off the cliff of despair. Any beauty I know You have shown me. Any delight I have comes from walking together. Any good is only because Your hand is holding mine. In the end You will be all that I have. And that is the real truth of today. I am reaching for false gods of this world: respect, man’s opinion, comfort, my-way. But why should I want those things when I have You? Please save me again and again from these tempting deaths. I am so very weak. I am so very dirty. I reach out to them knowing full well that they are temporary and that the pleasure will be quickly over. I am tempted by their comforting distraction. And I feel like I can’t help it. I don’t know how to fix it. You have to fix it. You have to hold my hand tighter so that I know it’s there. You have to distract my eyes so that I am too enamored with You to turn my eyes from You. You have to be my strength. You have to be my strength. You have to be my strength. You are mine and I am Yours. Make me Yours. Make me Yours. Be mine. Be mine.

Lord, Have Mercy

2010-11-04T12:42:00.000-05:00

John Piper asked his congregation to pray that he would be a man of mercy... that he would know God's mercy so deeply - that it was his first response to things. Oh! How I want that... that when I hear something about someone or when I get hit by something ... my first reaction is that of mercy. Oh, I can eventually get there (usually)- but what if it came first? What if it were my natural reaction. Oh! Lord, let me know Your mercy!

Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light. -CS LEWIS

Cemetery Tears

2010-11-04T10:41:00.002-05:00

The other day I needed a long walk. I needed to cry - not just little cry - but the Booo-hoooos that win Academy awards. And so I put on my sweatpants and Nike's and walked... to the cemetery. The giant closed gates nor the passing people stopped me from the wailing that need to take place. I let everyone who passed make up their own story about me: was I weeping over my young husband's death? The death of my dear mother?

I was weeping over death... hurt, anger, fear, misunderstanding, pain...

I wept.

I wept with my head wedged between to bars, gripping on for life until the tears calmed themselves. And what had happened... the yuckiness that had taken place didn't suddenly make sense. No one asked for forgiveness. Nothing was restored or clarified or even made right. What was made right was eternity. I looked at those graves and thought "as much as this pains my soul it will not be for eternity." This, too, was a light and momentary trouble.

Earlier that day I almost changed my Facebook status to "The only good thing about today is that it's one day closer to when Jesus will return."

But the truth is - that's the real truth of every day. Even the very best ones on earth.

Love Speaks

2010-11-04T10:10:00.000-05:00

In the list of books that have changed my life, you would find "The Five Love Languages" from Gary Chapman. And it's going to stay on that list... but I also think it needs to be read with open eyes to what Jesus is calling us towards with discernment.

How do we learn to sort out good from bad amid the messages that bombard us? It's easy to state the goal: "eat the fish of truth, spit out the bones of lies." It's hard to do this well. All of us tend to either swallow bones because we love fish, or spit out fish because we hate bones. -Powlison
So... after you read Chapman - or even before - take a look at David Powlison's critique.
http://mattadair.typepad.com/communitas/files/five_love_languages_critique.pdf

1 Bag and 2 Observations

2010-10-20T01:00:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I went shopping without my little cart for pulling groceries. I had judged my list incorrectly. Though there were not many things on it, the items themselves were heavy. Walking home one of the three bags broke. It didn't tear where everything dropped violently to the ground. It was a slow tear of the handle. I had enough time to gently set it down.
Before I had time to decide what to do, a lady stepped out of a dry-cleaners and handed me a bag.
A big one.
An old one.
With handles that had been reinforced with layers and layers of that brown packing tape.

And here is what I learned:

1. That bag was a gift. It's ugly. It's obviously well used. It wasn't expensive. How often do I not want to "give" because I feel like my gift isn't perfect or isn't dramatic? ... or that I'm not perfect? that I'm not the expert? And I think of that verse where it says that our suffering allows us to encourage other people. The tape I wear around my weakness will be someone's strength.

2. The woman who came to my rescue must have been watching me for a few seconds. She saw a need and she met it. Was in convenient for her? Did she get applause? Did she sigh regarding my lack of preparation and diligence and capability? I don't think so. She just saw a problem, had compassion and stepped out to help me.

Giuggiole!

2010-10-15T04:01:00.000-05:00

It's a new season at the fruit and veggie shop. Purple cauliflower. Deep, dark nuts. Things I've never seen before. Today I asked about the giuggiole. How do you eat it? What is it? Try it they said. So I did. And I was tickled pink! Which, was a perfect response since if you "andare in brodo di giuggiole" (literally: go in sauce of giuggiole) you are, well... tickled pink. I brought a large bag home and stuffed my mouth with them as I researched what they are in English. Jujubes! Which I didn't know were real things! So, now that my tummy is full of jujubes, and a head of research on how to make jujube sauce, I need to go ask what exactly you do with the sauce. How fun!

A New Name

2010-10-13T03:23:00.001-05:00

April Lynn Sumner. Sumner. Sumner. My new name.
From the moment a girl enters puberty she is trying her first name with every cute boy's last name. The second she confesses a crush her friends jump to the game of name matching. Oh, that sounds really nice. And when the crush turns into "real love", she spends hours practicing how she will sign her name.
I've been practicing. My pages are full of tear drops of amazement. All this time I just didn't know what my name would be. With it comes a new identity, a new role, a new place in other peoples' lives. And a new home... Not just a physical home - but David Christopher Sumner. He will be my home. I will belong to him.

Rejoice that your name has been written in heaven. It's not that your name is written on an invitation to a party where you get to go and then have to go home. This is the name like you get at a wedding. This is an invitation to be home. -Mark Moore, The Joy of the Lord

And I keep thinking about how April Sumner feels like it's my real name, the name I was born to have. But it's not. There's one more name. And there's one more Home. And that's where I really belong.

One of Those Days

2010-10-12T03:57:00.000-05:00

But some days I think Wow. I love this life. I even appreciate this culture. Today was one of those days:

I was out for my morning walk - and on the way home stopped at my hair salon to make an appointment. Her week was busy but did I have time right then? Sure! But, I need to run home and get my wallet. No worries - come back another day to pay.

Really?

One bonus point for the little stores, the little shops, the knowing-your-neighborhood. That beats out a Dr. Pepper any-old-day.

Winter's Hibernation

2010-10-11T01:33:00.000-05:00

I am sitting here this morning in the coolness. It's the first day of autumn that I cannot do my quiet time outside. Oh - I could bundle up with gloves and long-johns added to my robe and blanket which is good for thinking and praying but not for journaling and typing. Instead I am in the middle place. Once the radiators are on I will wedge my feet between the grates and find a home there for the winter. But in this middle place I have crawled back in bed. I will not go out again until spring. And I will be in America.

History of Traders - RightNow.org

2010-09-30T13:04:00.000-05:00

Idols of the Heart: Questions from David Powlison

2010-09-30T08:59:00.000-05:00

"The questions aim to help people identify the ungodly masters that occupy positions of authority in their heart. These questions reveal 'functional gods,' what or who actually controls their particular actions, thoughts, emotions, attitudes, memories, and anticipations."

1. What do you love? Hate?

2. What do you want, desire, crave, lust, and wish for? What desires do you serve and obey?

3. What do you seek, aim for, and pursue?

4. Where do you bank your hopes?

5. What do you fear? What do you not want? What do you tend to worry about?

6. What do you feel like doing?

7. What do you think you need? What are your 'felt needs'?

8. What are your plans, agendas, strategies, and intentions designed to accomplish?

9. What makes you tick? What sun does your planet revolve around? What do you organize your life around?

10. Where do you find refuge, safety, comfort, escape, pleasure, security?

11. What or whom do you trust?

12. Whose performance matters? On whose shoulders does the well-being of your world rest? Who can make it better, make it work, make it safe, make it succesful?

13. Whom must you please? Whose opinion of you counts? From whom do you desire approval and fear rejection? Whose value system do you measure yourself against? In whose eyes are you living? Whose love and approval do you need?

14. Who are your role models? What kind of person do you think you ought to be or want to be?

15. On your deathbed, what would sum up your life as worthwhile? What gives your life meaning?

16. How do you define and weigh success and failure, right or wrong, desirable or undesirable, in any particular situation?

17. What would make you feel rich, secure, prosperous? What must you get to make life sing?

18. What would bring you the greatest pleasure, happiness, and delight? The greatest pain or misery?

19. Whose coming into political power would make everything better?

20. Whose victory or success would make your life happy? How do you define victory and success?

21. What do you see as your rights? What do you feel entitled to?

22. In what situations do you feel pressured or tense? Confident and relaxed? When you are pressured, where do you turn? What do you think about? What are your escapes? What do you escape from?

23. What do you want to get out of life? What payoff do you seek out of the things you do?

24. What do you pray for?

25. What do you think about most often? What preoccupies or obsesses you? In the morning, to what does your mind drift instictively?

26. What do you talk about? What is important to you? What attitudes do you communicate?

27. How do you spend your time? What are your priorities?

28. What are your characteristic fanasies, either pleasurable or fearful? Daydreams? What do your night dreams revolve around?

29. What are the functional beliefs that control how you interpret your life and determine how you act?

30. What are your idols and false gods? In what do you place your trust, or set your hopes? What do you turn to or seek? Where do you take refuge?

31. How do you live for yourself?

32. How do you live as a slave of the devil?

33. How do you implicitly say , 'If only...' (to get what you want, avoid what you don't want, keep what you have)?

34. What instictively seems and feels right to you? What are your opinions, the things you feel true?

35. Where do you find your identity? How do you define who you are?

Cultural Styles

2010-09-30T01:32:00.000-05:00

My very manly neighbor just walked out of his house wearing a flowery scarf. It's in browns. Brown flowers.

It made me think if a scene in The Poisonwood Bible, where one of the American girls describes how the African men wear "womens" clothing. She muses that if they don't know it's for women, then does that make it for men? And how does she even know it's for women?

And even between America and Italy there is a big chasm between what is manly and what is not. Recently I saw 5 Italian men cramped into a tiny hot-tub. They were so close their legs had to touch each other. I was recounting the story to an American man who commented that he would not get in a hot-tub with even one other man. "Creepy."

The scarf caught me by surprise... but those Italian men in the hot-tub, they didn't think anything was less masculine about their hot-tub time... and my neighbor probably doesn't think "My Grandmother had a scarf like this" when he wears it. And if he does... well, who's to say that men can't wear brown flowers too.

A Mark of Sin

2010-09-29T01:15:00.000-05:00

I frequently carry my stress in my head. I have a specific headache that is directly related to stress. I can feel it starting and know that when it's at it's height I am am going to be dizzy. Sometimes when it starts I am in a situation where I can back up and evaluate what is going on: Am I in the wrong? Am I going about this the wrong way? Why is this bothering me or making me nervous? But sometimes I just barrel through.

But every-once-in-a-while, my stress skips the head-ache and goes to my face in the form of a hive on my left cheek. It starts to get warmer and warmer and warmer... like that game where children are hunting for something in the room. And then there's a hive. The more stress, the bigger it gets.

And I look at that hive flamed by the torch of my sins: pride, worry, the god of I Need To Fix It, lust for wanting everything to be easy-everything to go my way. Such a public statement, this hive. And I am forced to deal with it as opposed to my private head-aches. I have to put a cold cloth on my cheek. I have to calm myself down so that I don't end up covered in splotches. I HAVE to stop and examine the sin that's burning in me.

And I wish that all my sins were like that. I wish my nose would grow with lies. I wish my eyes would glue shut or my ears fall off or my hands shrivel up. I wish my feet would turn to soft clay. I don't want to go on sinning. I don't want to ignore or tolerate my sin or grow calloused to the internal private warning signs.

Oh, Lord... thank You for this hive.

Negative Feelings in Regard to Sin

2010-09-28T08:04:00.000-05:00

Today I was really challenged with this thought: sometimes the guilt we feel after sinning is not the shame that leads to forgiveness, but is a shame brought on by pride. How could I do that? What will people think of me? I should be better than this. The focus is on the self instead of it being on our Holy God. The prideful guilt will not lead to true repentance but only to lies and hiding.

The Engagement Day Story, September 11, 2010

2010-09-24T05:13:00.000-05:00

While planning for the trip to Switzerland with my parents, Dave found a video from Rick Steves, the guru of traveling in Italy. Rick said that the most beautiful place in all of Europe was found on a bench in Gimmelwald, Switzerland. A perfect place for a proposal.

A few months before the trip, Dave took BBQ over to my parents’ house. On a quick run to get ice, he asked my dad for my hand. When they got back to the house, he told my mom. Brava to her for keeping things a complete secret for so very long! By the time we were actually engaged, she had been bubbling for 2 months with a joyous excitement. I actually called while they were eating. I was suspicious of the lunch, but was completely dumbfounded when my mom cut me off the phone slightly rudely which is deeply out of character for her. When I asked Dave about the lunch he only talked about going to get ice from this new ice machine along the highway. Sigh… I was sure that nothing special had happened.

Fast forward to our trip to Switzerland. It was a rough hoe getting there which deserves a long essay – but one that will never be written. Suffice it to say, we got to Gimmelwald 15 hours later than we had planned, arriving in time for breakfast. However, the kitchen was closing so they fixed us sack lunches of sandwiches, tomatoes and apples. We ate on the deck and literally marveled: we were in the heart of the Swiss Alps. My motion sickness had survived a taxi, two hours on a bus and several hours on a train, another bus and a sky gondola. I was hanging by a thread thinner than the sky gondola’s. So, why I climbed into bed, I watched my Dad and Dave climb into the sky. They went up to the stop of the Schlitterhorn, jig-jagging their way in more gondolas. I awoke refreshed and ready to spend time with Dave. But he was still in the clouds.

My mom and I sat on the deck and then went to the little park area. Mind you, this village has less than 40 houses, so when I say “little” park, it consisted of two benches. We sat on some built in steps and made friends with a 3 year old named Stella. Then we went on a walk, where we eventually met my dad and Dave who had walked down from one of the higher villages. I was so happy to see my Dave. He whispered in my ear, “There’s a bench up a little ways I’d like to take you to this afternoon.” Oh, yes! I knew he had something up his sleeve. Maybe something sparkelly?

We ate sandwiches for lunch and then my parents went off to take a nap. Dave came up to my attic room (yes, the door was cracked open) and lounged on the bed close to the opened window dozing in and out of consciousness. I sat on the other twin bed and journaled and read and just watched him. We talked a little, stretching our hands to reach across the canyon.

And then we were ready for a walk. But there were lots of benches to choose from. Which one did Rick Steves mean? We sat off for a life-threatening adventure, sliding more than walking, down a precarious pebble path. We wound our way to a little farm with the greenest, softest grass. A perfect place for a proposal. Sweet nothings and sweet every things… April Lynn Houk, will you marry me? Yes, David. Yes. Somewhere along the line Dave pointed out the two waterfalls jetting out the mountain across the valley, and how they joined into one. My first comment after Yes was “We’re going to raise children together and die together.” We laughed at my morbid sense of romance.

We continued our walk (after taking pictures) – and yes, everyone expects that I would be bawling by now – but I wasn’t. The whole thing felt completely natural, and at the same time holy and serious. Our walk lead us to another bench where we could look down into the valley. Dave thinks we eventually found Rick’s bench on our way back to the hotel, but this stop – this bench overlooking the Jungfrau valley was lovely.

For those of you who love animals, and those of you who know I don’t… let me introduce you now to the one witness of our engagement: a black and white cat. Who, for the rest of the afternoon felt entitled to be a part of our celebration. Dave, and later my dad, got such a kick out of the cat’s magneticisim. I did not.

While on this beautiful place, Dave and I tried to take self portraits. We had tried at the engagement site – but they were hoooo-rrrrrrr-ible. These weren’t much better, but they made us laugh. I wanted us to look serious. We look like miserable death.

So, back to the village we went. We met my dad along the way who was busy taking his 900 and some-odd pictures. We all stopped in to a little cheese place to taste and to buy. We had to ring the doorbell at someone’s house, where she poked her head out the kitchen window and walked us to the cheese house (which was no bigger than 8 feet by 8 feet).

We made our way to the hotel where we found my mom, again sitting on the deck. I showed her the bag of our purchases: What did you get? Cheese, sausage and a diamond! She was so excited. Hugs and tears and lots of laughter.

Back in March, Dave’s mom had asked Dave if I would like her engagement ring. He gently asked me what I thought and I said, Yes! I have a deep longing to know Dave’s dad, Wiley, who passed away a few years ago. I crave connections to him and if he chose the ring – then I knew it would be perfect. Priscilla (Dave’s mom) described it to me and said I could re-do it however I wanted… but I wanted it how Wiley wanted it. And, boy! Did that Wiley have good tastes. It’s more beautiful than could have imagined – elegant and sophisticated and refined. Perfect. There are other hidden stories within the ring. Dave’s mom has one about loosing the diamond and finding it. My mother has a story about how they tried to figure out my ring size using spies at my house. Ask them to tell their stories.

Sabina, the lady who runs the hotel, brought out her mother’s homemade elderberry wine with little dainty flowers in it. My parents grew elderberries: a tie to the Louisiana roots of my mother. We laughed more and we called Dave’s mom and sister. Then I called my sister. She, of course, was so very thrilled, excited to get a brother-in-law, but even more excited to inherit his nephews and niece.

I can’t remember the next little bit. I think we just sat there and talked until it was dinner time. We went over to a hostel that had a restaurant. I ordered a traditional Swiss dish: racklett, a big piece of baked cheese and potatoes. Everyone else had pizza.

We were all tired… especially the boys. So, seemingly early – was it only 10:00? We all said good-night. And a few minutes later, there was a knock at my door. My mom came in for girl-talk. She had sent my tired dad to bed and wished Dave a good night and told him that they love him and then she had climbed the stairs to find me.

We laughed and talked more. She had been waiting not just for two months… but for well… 35 years for this. I had left my phone book at home and her American cell phone, so we only had a handful of memorized numbers. My mom called some of her sweet friends. I’m going to get a son-in-law! More tears and laughter and finally it was time for the sweet dream of the day to fade into the sweet dreams of a just-engaged-woman.

Well, Hello Old Friends...

2010-09-24T05:10:00.002-05:00

I am alive and well... lots of stories to tell from the last several weeks... I'll start with the one you've been waiting for...

Nutella Peanut-Butter Cups

2010-08-28T06:30:00.002-05:00

I am always looking for yummy things that will delight people - but that are also very simple. Here's my latest trick! Spray oil on some tiny papers used for miniature muffins or other little treats. Then plop in a dab of peanut-butter. The kind I get here isn't sweet, so maybe a "natural" kind in America would work. Then plop on some Nutella which you can find in the States. It's a sweet hazelnut spread that is almost like chocolate. Here's the hard part: put them in the fridge over-night or the freezer for an hour or two. (I love them most when they are frozen.) Now you have your own version of peanut-butter cups. Perfect for kids or for a bridal shower or for... well, anything!

Helpful hints:
a) I use my Pampered Chef tool for frosting. It makes everything even more pretty.
b) If you use spoons, before you put your goodies in the fridge, put them in the oven for a few minutes to melt and settle.

A Big Do Over

2010-08-28T00:29:00.001-05:00

I am hosting a brunch in October. Last week I carefully printed, cut, glued, pieced together 60 intricate invitations. I really wanted the ladies who receive the invites to feel special and cared for when they look at them. The whole process took two solid afternoons. As I was putting them in envelopes on Monday morning I saw that there was a spelling mistake. I know you know that I'm not the best speller, and especially when I'm working in two languages - but I did have two people proof it... but we missed something that is tricky. But, it was just one letter.
I debated and debated about sending them anyway. They were so pretty.
Finally I bit the bullet and decided to start all over. I was able to salvage most of the main parts of the pretty card stalk. As I was disassembling them, I saw another mistake. A missing word - well, it isn't super necessary - but it would have been better with that missing word.
And so, back to the computer to take out that extra letter and add the missing word. And low and behold, what to my wondering eyes should appear? I had the wrong date on the invitations!
A big sigh of relief washed over me. Thank You, Lord for not letting me send those out. I would have had to re-send and clarify and make phone calls and send emails...
Sometimes we get "little red flags" on things... and we want to over-look them. We say, but it's just... And maybe God is using a little red flag to protect us from bigger things.
My new invites are pretty as well. As far as I can tell there are no extra letters, and all the right words are there... and they even have the correct date.

Practice Makes Perfect

2010-08-26T11:56:00.000-05:00

One time I read that this was Picasso's 243rd bull. I don't know if that is true - but it is the last in his series on bulls. The first one was intricate, complicated, realistic. With each bull he kept getting simpler and simpler. If I drew a line drawing of a bull, it would look like a cross between a rabbit and a goat. I just haven't had enough practice. The more and more we do something - of course the better we get... and sometimes - a lot of times, what ever we are doing gets simpler.
Hospitality. Grace. Forgiveness. Friendship.
But, don't mistake "simple" as weak. Don't you see the strength in the bull's back?

The Long Lost Rose Book

2010-08-25T09:20:00.000-05:00

So, there's this girl and she goes to work in a green house at a big mansion where she's not allowed to see the man who lives in the mansion. She eventually does bump into him, discovering that he has suffered burns and has no face and they become good friends. Turns out his burns were from the same car accident in which her older sister was killed.
Well, that may or may not be the plot. I haven't read it in 22 years.
The cover had an embossed rose on it. Well, it may or may not have a rose. I haven't read it in 22 years.
If, you're wondering... if you google that big synopsis I wrote, you'll find a Simpsons episode.
Boh...

BABIES - Official Trailer [HD]

2010-08-25T00:55:00.001-05:00

I love documentaries. And this one... well, I think it might just be my favorite. There are some parts that will make you cringe... and there are a lot of breast feedings... but it is full of things to think about as you watch four babies grow and develop. It's so interesting to see how the babies are so much the same and the parenting is so different. I would love to have a long discussion about it. Don't you want to watch it and then we can talk about it?

Would Jesus Fit In My "Spiritual" Rubric?

2010-08-25T00:35:00.000-05:00

Recently I heard a preacher try to encourage his congregation to make sure their faith was authentic. Good. Great, even. He then proceeded to say (through a fictional scenario) that the way we can know other people have authentic faith is that they
a) attend Bible studies at church
b) walk around carrying their Bible
c) pray aloud at church

What? Really? OK - I, too think that those three things are good things... but as proof of your relationship with Jesus? They might overflow from it - certainly - but... I don't know... seems a little Pharisaical to me if that is our rubric. But the truth is - we all fall into that trap.

So what if we have the rubric of hungering and thirsting for righteousness, of being peacemakers, of being merciful, of being pure in heart?

Toothpaste in the Fridge

2010-08-20T05:06:00.000-05:00

OK ... so there aren't tubes of toothpaste in my fridge door. But there are a selection of tubes. Actually, they are one of the things I love about Italy. Mayonnaise, mustard, tomato paste, garlic paste, onion paste... wonderful when you are cooking for one person. Just an easy squeeze of the amount you need!

A Morning Serenade

2010-08-20T02:22:00.002-05:00

I know it is so stereotypical of Italy... but accordion players do walk around the streets in my neighborhood. Many are looking for "tips"... like this guy. But, sometimes - you just get sweet old men who are on their way to Accordion Band Practice that meets at the school down the street on Friday Nights.

Twilight

2010-08-20T00:25:00.000-05:00

Something to think about... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkHl0MK_ZdY

When Wal-Mart Comes to Town

2010-08-19T03:06:00.000-05:00

Olives, Olives and More Olives

Clothes, Clothes and More Clothes

Cheese, Cheese and More Cheese

There are stores on the edge of the city that resemble Wal-Mart... places where you can buy clothes and coffee cups and perfume and steak all in the same stop. Although people do shop there, it's only convenient if you a) have a car and b) have the mindset. One of my Italian friends is bewildered by this concept. And she's younger than me! She said, "How do you know how to shop like that?" She just doesn't get how or why it works. Well... I finally thought of a response for her: It's like going to the market. The real market.

Although it appears in different areas of town on different days, there's a big market that comes to the neighborhood to the west on Wednesdays. It's only 5 minutes on my bike and I like going there. It feels so very communal. It is loud! People are just chatty, chatty. Very fun.

People refer to it as "The Chinese Market" because the clothes and wares are made in... well, China. Which - if you don't mind the lower quality - you'll like the price. Although, don't be fooled! This is still Italy where the pretty but fake stuff still costs $25. There are little spots of 1 or 3 euros... and the deeper you go in the middle of the 50+ stands you'll find the same thing for a better price.

These stands are crazy/interesting. Basically, they are like a big trucks that have sides that lower down... and then tables are set out in front of them. All of them have some sort of covering which allows you to shop in the rain.

My weekly purchase is a chicken. A fresh roasted chicken (you can watch them brown before your eyes) that tastes like heaven. I don't know what chicken tastes like in heaven - but I'm thinking it's like this. You can get your cheese cut on the spot for you or have part of a fish head hacked off for you. I always skip that guy.

You can buy flowers - both real and fake - and you can buy underwear. So, yes... this is the closest thing my area of town has to a Wal-Mart. The only difference is that at here, you have to pay each seller individually. And they don't take American Express.

A Conversation with an 85 Year-Old-Man in a Suit and Hat who I Passed on the Street

2010-08-17T05:08:00.001-05:00

Man: Excuse me! Excuse me!

Me: Yes...

Man: You aren't Veronese, true? [Veronese is the adjective for people from Verona.]

Me: No... I'm American.

Man: From where in America?
Me: From San Antonio, Texas.

Man: Ahh... I know America well. taking out a piece of candy and offering it to me

Me: Yes?

Man: Yes, I went to New York and Philadelphia a very, very long time ago. Do you know how I knew you weren't Veronese? You smile. Veronese don't smile. They don't smile. I don't know why we don't smile. Who knows... Have I given you a piece of candy?

Me: Yes.

Man: Well, here's another one for tomorrow.

Me: Thank you.

... And we shook hands and I leaned to slowly kiss both cheeks.

Pretty Food

2010-08-16T07:29:00.000-05:00

I love pretty food, which makes sense because I love both things that are pretty and food itself. This was my lunch:
Purple Garlic
Purple Onion
1/2 Egg Plant
Medium Potato
Purple Cabbage
... Stir-fried together and topped with basil and Feta cheese. Next time, I'd skip the basil.
Yummers.

Plants

2010-08-13T00:50:00.000-05:00

I do not have a green thumb. My four ficus trees are dying. Ficus trees... the internet promised me you can't kill ficus trees. Sigh... Anyway, it also promised me that geraniums last forever - but mine have all been eaten. And yes, I did put stuff in them to keep away the bugs. I'm hopeless. Which leads me to my portulacas.

The plant store people told me I needed to water them about once a week. The internet told me they need very, very little water. So I watered them about a week and a half-ago... and since then we've had a lot of rain. OK - they don't actually get the full rain because of the balcony above me, but they get splashes and they get the moisture that's in the air. And, everyone tells me I over-water everything (probably causing the death of my ficuses) so, I let them be. And then yesterday morning I was so sad. They looked pit-a-ful. So, I watered them. And this morning they are happy, happy, happy.

It's the same with us.

I don't think our salvation is based on praying and being in God's word every day. But, I do think it is water for our souls. A sermon instead of listening to the news on the way to work. Worship music while working out today. Reading 1st Samuel in the bath-tub. I don't know... maybe we could use some watering, too.

Rough and Worn

2010-08-11T06:51:00.000-05:00

One of the treasures of living in Europe is the old buildings. Worn. Lived in for centuries. Not like our new American neighborhoods with perfect houses on perfect squares of grass. If these Italian walls could talk.
I am middle-aged. My body is starting to look like it and act like it. Worn by life. I come with wrinkles and stubborn gray hair and weird purple lines on my legs. I come with heart-ache and bitterness, too. I come with a heart that's been broken a couple of too-many-times. I come with a stiff back and a changing silhouette.
And I come with wisdom, I hope. And sensitivity that I didn't have twenty years ago. I come with a vision of what is real and what is really good. I come knowing who I am in Christ -and knowing how often I fail and how I do it. I come knowing more of God's grace and I love Him more.
So, let it all count towards my beauty and charm. And let me celebrate this season, too.

It Works Both Ways

2010-08-10T06:12:00.002-05:00

I have been working with a great office here in Verona. They help foreigners be "legal". Because I am single, my documentation has been fairly straight forward. Though time consuming, it hasn't been too crazy. We're working on getting my co-workers' family visa. Mama mia! I feel like I'm swimming in an ocean of man-eating seaweed. I told the lady at the office today that, and she said, "Yes, and especially since the laws are always changing", changing so fast not even the governmental web-sites can keep up.
So, I just tried to peak in to what it would be like on the other side... if I were Italian and I wanted to go to America... well, there are different hoops to jump through of course, but there are hoops none-the-less. Lots and lots of hoops.
So, be nice the next time you come across a foreigner. They've worked hard to get there.

Psalm 84: Avonlea

2010-08-08T08:24:00.002-05:00

Today in church we talked about Psalm 84. At the end we each were assigned a section of the Psalm and given clay.

Avonlea thought about a deer. Psalm 84 made her think about Psalm 42 and how a dear pants for water... and that's part of what it means to yearn for God.

Psalm 84: April

2010-08-08T08:21:00.003-05:00

I created a little man going down a path. I was really struck by the line the blessed are those "who set their hearts on pilgrimage". I want to always be growing and pursuing God and traveling with Him.

Psalm 84: John

2010-08-08T08:19:00.003-05:00

John used images of himself as he went from "strength to strength"... that our strength will be fully recognized in worship.

Psalm 84: Bryan

2010-08-08T07:58:00.001-05:00

Bryan showed us the verse that says, "Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere" by creating the tabernacle. He has a 1 by the entrance representing one day. Over by the tent of the wicked, he has an infinity sign. You are the ball and you have to choose which way to go.

A Blast From the Past

2010-08-04T10:58:00.003-05:00

While reading a friend's blog, I saw this video of my past life as a teacher in Haiti.

From DA Carson

2010-08-03T14:12:00.000-05:00

"It's not just things... it's not just the Baals... its wanting to find our wholenss, our completeness, our joy, our fulfillment, our ultimate hope in anything that is not God. And then if God can come along and bless it that's OK but if not then He can be safely ignored. That's idolatry."

Harvard

2010-07-30T09:49:00.003-05:00

Recently I met a new friend. I knew she must be talented and very smart... but it wasn't until I looked on Facebook that I realized she had graduated from Harvard. Harvard? Harvard! I've never met anyone who graduated from Harvard! And I keep thinking about her... not that she went to Harvard - but that she didn't say it. In our rounds of "get-to-know-you" talking, it never came up. She had every right to add the words "from Harvard" when she said she had recently graduated. I don't know why she didn't. But I get the feeling that "from Harvard" isn't who she really is. She's not defined by it.

And I'm looking at my life. My achievements. My glory. And how often do I seek praise for those things? So, I didn't go Harvard, but I lived in Haiti for ten years. Aren't you impressed? I have sacrificed a really precious relationship to serve God in Italy. Aren't you impressed? I write Bible studies so people can learn about Jesus. Aren't you impressed?

Don't be.

The thing about Marilinda, is that when I met her, I was impressed by her love... for her family, for her friends, even for me - a stranger.

And in the end that's what people need to be impressed by. In John 13 Jesus said that people will know we belong to Him by how we love.

If you want to go to Harvard - go to Harvard. If you want to go to Haiti - go to Haiti. But don't be defined by it. Be defined by your love.

The Refrigerator

2010-07-29T09:56:00.003-05:00

This is my refrigerator. Believe me, right now the outside is more interesting than the inside. Well, that's always true, isn't it? I love looking at people's refrigerators. Do they change what's on it or have the same things that have been there since 1978? Do they have funny magnets or do the magnets coordinate with the color scheme of the kitchen? Are things thrown up there or placed ever-so-carefully? Or, are they placed ever-so-carefully to look like they have just been thrown up there? Does the fridge celebrate travels, friends, memories? Is it an art gallery or a bulletin board? Is it empty to give a since of calmness or style?

Mine is a exhibition of sweet things. Pictures of Dave and his nephews, and the new niece, too I have yet to meet; Dave's itinerary from last spring; the phrase in Italian that says "I cannot see the hour until we meet", meaning I can't wait to see you again; A photo from NASA; A drawing from my dear 5 year old friend, Harrison that he made for me while he sat at my counter. The little square magnets were a gift from my mother. I like them! They match my wall tiles (light, shiny sage green) perfectly.

We realize that there is a temptation from the refrigerator is to find joy and comfort in what's inside... but what better to find joy and comfort in what's on it! These precious gifts. But the truth is that these people, these relationships... though so very dear to my heart - are not enough. They will not be enough. They cannot be enough.

There is one more thing on the fridge. See it in the lower right corner? It's a magnet from my friend, Heidi. It says "10 Things God Wants You to Remember"...

1. I will give you rest.

2. I will bless you.

3. I will not fail you.

4. I will strengthen you.

5. I will answer you.

6. I believe in you.

7. I am for you.

8. I love you.

9. I will be with you.

10. I will provide for you.

And that's where I find real comfort. That's will I find real hope. Real joy. Real life... in God alone.

Laundry and Paul and My Way of Thinking

2010-07-28T03:08:00.004-05:00

Peter said he wrote his second epistle to stir up the people's minds... to remind them to think well. He wanted their thoughts to be pure. He wanted them to think clearly. He used the word eilikrinēs which literally means something judged by the sunlight.

My new hobby these days is to hang out my laundry. I have two drying wracks. One hangs above my bath tub. You lower each little bar by releasing a cord, hang your clothes, and then pull down the cord with a long hook, sending your clothes to the ceiling.

I also have a wrack that folds out to sit on the balcony in the sun. This is one of my favorite things to do. It's very relaxing for me. I do have to confess that I have a dryer - which I'm thankful for on cold, rainy days. I do put my laundry in it even after it's dry to soften it and get off the lint. But, the actual hanging of the clothes outside, I love it. I love the slowness of it. I love the community of it (Hello, world - thanks for showing me you're skivvies, here's mine.) I love the brightness of the whites reflecting my eyes so fiercely that I have to squint.

And here is the true test of stains. It might seem "gone" inside, but held up to the light - there I can see the rings of the remnant.

But, here I find pleasure, too. That the sun does two things: it show the stain. And it removes it. My grandmother's lace? All the blogs say to clean it lay it out in the sun. That's the purest form of bleaching. Anyone who has been forced to hang your favorite ocean blue shirt out to dry knows that in about two months she will own a favorite sky blue shirt without spending a dime.

And it happens with our thoughts, too... that when we examine our thoughts in the Light of the Gospel of Truth - in the Light of God, we see our stains. We see the pride, the anger, the hidden resentment. And there we also find purification.

Bees

2010-07-27T01:00:00.003-05:00

I don't know what it is called, but I have a plant that loves the sun. It loves the sun so much, that I have 19 pots of it. I'm not exaggerating. I really do have 19. My balconies get tons of sun - one major portion of my bedroom balcony gets over twelve hours of it. So, I'm limited to what will stay alive there. Thus, the 19 pots. Plus, it's one of those plants that you can't kill and one that reproduces like rabbits. But that's a whole other blog. Anyway... this plant has little flowers on it that only open in the sun. And when they open they get visitors. Lots and lots of visitors. Bees! Little bees. Big bees. Chubby story-book fuzz-ball bees.

Bees are not my favorites, although the chubby story-book fuzz ball ones are kind of cute. However, I could live with only seeing them in books. And how in the world did we make such a nasty, harmful creature "cute"? Again, I'm getting off-subject. The point is - that I don't like the hundreds (I'm not exaggerating) of bees that dip down from who-knows-where at 2 in the afternoon every day. They make me nervous.

But, I do like their honey. And I keep hearing how the States is loosing agriculture because there aren't enough bees. They've all come to Italy, is my opinion.

The truth is - those pesky bees... well, they end up giving us life.

And those other pesky things we don't like in our lives... the overwhelming responsibilities, the struggles in communicating, the continual dying to ourselves... well, those too give us life.

²Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. - James 2

From Where Do You Come From

2010-07-20T08:00:00.002-05:00

My friend grows olives. Today we talked about my black-thumb. I told him that I always have hope if there is at least one green leaf. And believe me, most of my plants are more brown than green. I want to know how to take care of them. I just don't have the magic touch.

My life feels like that today... dying and dry and worm-infested. I don't know how to take care of the tasks at hand, the people around me or the work I am called to do. And today, like so many days, I feel like I don't have a green thumb.

But my friend gave me a secret. He looked me in the eyes and said, "All you need to know is where you plant originated. If you think of that place, you'll know how to take care of it."

And that is true for my life around me. On a hundred levels. My over-whelming to-do list, the battle with my pride, the people whom I love and the strangers I don't love enough... If I look at each thing that passes through my mind - and I look at where it comes from, I will know how to take care of it.

And me, too. Maybe I need to look at where I came from. Who knew me before I was born? Who knit me together? Who gives me life even today? And that right there, my friends... that is The Answer.

ABC's of Prayer

2010-07-17T15:25:00.002-05:00

Here's an idea for when you don't know what to pray for - for either yourself or someone else. Go through the alphabet! Start with the letter A. "Attitude" or "Actions" or "Anxiousness" and pray for that area of life. Don't worry about having the right word. Today I used "Ice-cream" and prayed about my sweet tooth and making good choices. For the letter X I wrote down the name of a friend that begins with an X. I prayed about how I could be a good friend. This lady has the gift of hospitality, so I prayed that I would share in that gift. So, don't be stressed if something seems silly or strange... go with the flow and let the Spirit lead you.

Treasures

2010-07-14T01:54:00.003-05:00

I have a bowl in my entry way where I throw things when I come home.

1. Before. This is ridiculous. I know. But everyone's gotta have their "Catch-All" place, right. Well, ummm... truthfully - this is only one of three Catch-Alls. Or four. Or five.

2. journal to keep notes from staff meetings and to-do lists

3. miscellaneous paper with some math on it - I was figuring out how much I was supposed to pay for something

4. magazine I want to send to some friends in the US

5. brochure for the neighborhood pool (which after cleaning out this basket, I can no longer find. I think I filed it away - but where? ... thus justifying that sometimes the Catch-All method of filing works better than actual labeled files.)

6. keys for my friend who was staying with me - don't know which ones actually work

7. miscellaneous receipts

8. a book I borrowed and loved

9. a recipe a chef at a restaurant wrote for my team when we were doing a scavenger hunt at school

10. a prescription that I had renewed which consisted of the doctor scratching out the old date and scribbling the new one

11. 5 pens and 1 pencil

12. sunglasses

13. my fun watch

14. my dressy watch

15. light-bulbs to replace the two I broke in the same day in the same lamp

16. my I-Want-You-More prayer ring

17. casual earrings

18. 6 euros and 30 centesimi

19. lipstick

20. nail polish

21. plug adapter- American

22. plug adapter- German which all appliances use

23. a frequent shopper card to earn points from the printers where I buy ink

24. a frequent shopper card to earn points from my favorite store in the world (perfume, of course), but where I'm only allowed to go to buy sunscreen. Bummer.

25. my barrette I can't live without (I start the day with my hair down - but it rarely lasts!)

26. after: I actually put everything away in it's correct place!

A Matter of European Perspective

2010-07-10T11:46:00.003-05:00

Because of an unclear way of stating centuries, my Belgium friend understood that her Italian husband's house was constructed in the 500's... such a historical place! She was sorely disappointed to realize that the house was actually ONLY from the 1500's.

Something to Think About

2010-07-06T01:22:00.002-05:00

This is in the introduction to "Intimate Moments with the Savior" by Ken Gire. Chuck goes on to say that we need to "get real" - no one is going to give us six weeks to just spend in prayer and meditation - but we need to implement moments of real communion with the Lord in our daily lives.

Being busy is not a satisfactory substitute for being holy. On the contrary, racing through one week after another at breakneck speeds leads to tragic consequences - shallow roots and superficial fruits - worst of all God only gets the leftovers because we formed the bad habit of operating on spiritual "empty".
-Chuck Swindoll

Tied Up in Knots

2010-07-05T10:07:00.002-05:00

A laccio is a knot. If the one on your shoe comes undone, you'll need to riallacciare, to re-knot it. It's also the verb you use when you haven't seen an old friend in a very long time, one with whom you've lost contact... but then you re-knot your relationship and you're tied back together again.

Sale!

2010-07-02T08:59:00.002-05:00

It's almost sale season here in Verona. In the rest of Italy, sales begin on July 1st... but ours try to milk the tourists a little bit... the sales in our region don't begin until July 17th. What? Everyone has their sales at the same time? OF COURSE! It's the law. Having a sale at another time would not be fair to the other stores...

Oooo... I completely different mentality. It's the relaxed mentality that allows shops to be closed for 3 hours at lunch time. Yes, they could get more customers - but why? Especially when your neighbor shop owner gets to take 3 hours off at lunch. And who needs more customers anyway? Life and rest are more important that the big almighty euro.

Hmmm... sometimes screwy things in another culture make you realize how screwy your own culture is.

Shakerato

2010-06-29T08:24:00.002-05:00

My favorite summertime coffee is the "Shakerato". It's super easy to make. You can decide the quantity of the ingredients. You just need hot espresso (or some super strong hot coffee) and a few ice-cubes. I like to add a little sugar or splinda and a little cold milk. Now you pour it all into a shaker (you know - the Shaken-Not-Stirred - kind). I use a thermos that is metal inside. Don't use one with glass. Now comes the fun part. You shake it. Thus, the very Italian name "Shakerato". The ice mostly melts and gives it a lovely little foamy texture. Super yummy for a hot day!

An Announcement

2010-06-29T06:35:00.003-05:00

I have curly hair. It's been coming for the last few years... and I decided to stop trying to fight it - and learn how to "deal" with it. If you don't have it - you want it, people pay big bucks for it - I know, I know... but ... I've just had to learn how to live well with it... what products to use, how to dry it, how often it needs cutting.

I think it's the same thing with grace. We have to learn how to give and take it... how to give it to ourselves.

So. Let's just admit it and live it to its fullest!

The Playlist

2010-06-28T07:10:00.003-05:00

It takes about thirty-five minutes to walk to school at my own lolly-gagging pace. But, to get to school in twenty minutes - I need to keep up the pace. So, I have a playlist on my iPod: fast paced songs that make me walk quickly.

A difference of 15 minutes! Craziness.

Galatians tells us to "keep in step with the Spirit". It uses the verb stoichew which doesn't mean just walk... it means to walk under the direction of someone. Left, left, left-right-left or Marching Band walking... following the music. When I walk to school with my playlist in my ears, I'm stoichewing.

So - what do we need to stoichew with the spirit? Well, let's take this all in context from Galatians 5. It actually gives us some clear lists.

DON'T DO

sexual immorality, impurity, debauchery, idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, discord jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, conceit, provoking, envy, living under law, etc...

TO DO:

grace, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control...

Stick that in your ear and see what today will bring...

Summer Salad on the Balcony

2010-06-23T09:50:00.003-05:00

Cut up:

Mozzarella (from the balls that come in liquid)

Celery

Red, Green and Yellow Bell Peppers

Cucumbers

No need for salt, pepper or any type of dressing!

If you'd like, add cold grilled chicken.

Spiritual Warfare

2010-06-15T14:24:00.003-05:00

Why would Satan want your marriage to be strong? Your friendships to be filled with grace? Your parenting to be careful, wise and above reproach? Why would he want your ministry team or church to be of one mind? Why would he want unity in the body?

He doesn't.

So - let's turn our minds to that spiritual truth when we're talking about "Interpersonal" things - communication, growth - especially conflict... no wonder it's so hard... we're in a war!

I have a hard time focusing on the spiritual battle when my feelings are hurt. I feel wounded. I feel defensive. (Do you hear these war words?) I need to step back and look at how I'm not fighting against someone - it's not against flesh and blood. Only then can I get to the truth of the matter. What healing - what victory - what glory - awaits for us!

I made a little form to use... I keep it in my beside table so that anytime I feel negative towards someone I can stop the yucky thinking (that usually says that I'm the Good One and that the other person is Oh So Bad) and remember that the devil wants to win this moment for his glory instead of letting the Lord have it.

So when a situation arrives - I need to put on the full armor of God from Ephesians 6. Here's how I do that:

Lord, I want to be strong in You and in Your mighty power. Help me put on Your armor right now so I can take a stand against the devil’s scheme. Right now he is tempting me with anger at Marcy because she messed up the project. This struggle is not against Marcy but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Help me to remember that! Help me stand my ground… and keep standing. The truth is that the only thing that is really hurt is my pride. And that I was lazy in helping her get ready for the project. Help me be righteous in how I talk to her during the meeting tomorrow. Help me not feel like I need to never ask for her help again. Help me be ready to offer peace by not being grumpy with her - inwardly or outwardly as we debrief the project... and help me encourage her by remembering what she did well and talk kindly about how we can do it better next time. I can extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one by having faith that You are maturing me through this... and that You will keep me from sinning and that You will grow in me a humble and kind love for Marcy. Lord I believe – help my unbelief! Let me remember that You provide salvation … You have saved me again and again. One time was when I messed up that project for Tom - and he was full of such grace and kindness. I could have gotten fired for that. Thanks for saving me that day. Thank you that I have the word of God as my sword. One scripture I need to remember right now is that a kind word turns away wrath. Oh, help me not to whine or worry – but help me to pray in the Spirit! Will you please help me be your salt and light at work. Help me realize that You are working through me. Help me be alert to how You are moving in Marcy's life. And how You are growing me. Help me keep praying!

..................................................

So...

Here's the blank form. Copy and paste it and then print it out. Maybe you need to really fill it out. Maybe you can just go over it as you pray...

But don't let your mind live in the muck - stand up in the armor! Stand up for your marriage, your friendship, your family, your church!

...................................................

Lord, I want to be strong in You and in Your mighty power. Help me put on Your armor right now so I can take a stand against the devil’s scheme. Right now he is ___________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________. This struggle is not against _________________________________ but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Help me to remember that! Help me stand my ground… and keep standing. The truth is ___ _______________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________.

Help me be righteous in _________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________. Help me be ready to offer peace by ________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________. I can extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one by having faith that You ________________________ _____________________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________. Lord I believe – help my unbelief! Let me remember that You provide salvation … You have saved me again and again. One time was when ____________________________________________________________________________________. Thank you that I have the word of God as my sword. One scripture I need to remember right now is __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________. Oh, help me not to whine or worry – but help me to pray in the Spirit! Will you please ______________

_____________________________________________________________________________________

____________________________________________________________________________________. Help me be alert to ____________________________________________________________________. Help me keep praying!

A Little Dash of Salt

2010-06-15T14:19:00.003-05:00

When God asked His people to sacrifice bread to him in a burnt offering - He told them not to forget the salt.

Umm... the expensive salt that He doesn't really taste... what's that all about?

Maybe it's about integrity in worship - and giving our all even when it hurts. Maybe the salt itself was really the sacrifice.

Little by Little

2010-06-09T00:24:00.003-05:00

When God was giving the Israelites their land, He told them that He would drive out the other people - but not all at once. He said He would do it little by little.

I want ________________. I'm pretty sure that it's God's will. I just don't know why it's taking so long... He could do it all today.

But, God did it that way to protect His people. If He had gotten rid of all the other people, the wild animals would have had lots of babies and would have been a big-ole-problem.

I want ________________. I'm pretty sure that it's God's will. I'm glad He's working in His timing and that He is being careful to protect me from the wild animals I don't know about.

Exodus 23, Deuteronomy 7

Really?

2010-05-24T06:29:00.002-05:00

The other day I came This Close to someone famous. I didn't know it. Even if you had told me her name, I wouldn't have known her. But even if I had known who she was supposed to be, I wouldn't have believed it.

Are you confused yet?

Anyway- I went home and googled her. She's beautiful - stunning really - at least in the photos and articles online. In real life, well... she was so-so. Normal looking. Abnormally tiny. No prettier than many of my friends.

I heard that she was sighted later that night all dolled up - and yes! She turned out to be as beautiful as her photos - poofy hair, long eye-lashes, total bomb-shell.

After the professionals got a hold of her.

Just another reminder to me that those glossy people are just average people too.

Questions

2010-05-17T14:57:00.002-05:00

These questions are from "Life on Purpose". Sit down with them for ten minutes and see what you come up with.

1. What makes you smile? (Activities, people, events, hobbies, projects, etc.)

2. What are your favorite things to do in the past? What about now?

3. What activities make you lose track of time?

4. What makes you feel great about yourself?

5. Who inspires you most? (Anyone you know or do not know. Family, friends, authors, artists, leaders, etc.) Which qualities inspire you, in each person?

6. What are you naturally good at? (Skills, abilities, gifts etc.)

7. What do people typically ask you for help in?

8. If you had to teach something, what would you teach?

9. What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?

10. You are now 90 years old, sitting on a rocking chair outside your porch; you can feel the spring breeze gently brushing against your face. You are blissful and happy, and are pleased with the wonderful life you’ve been blessed with. Looking back at your life and all that you’ve achieved and acquired, all the relationships you’ve developed; what matters to you most? List them out.

11. What are your deepest values?

12. What were some challenges, difficulties and hardships you’ve overcome or are in the process of overcoming? How did you do it?

13. What causes do you strongly believe in? Connect with?

14. If you could get a message across to a large group of people. Who would those people be? What would your message be?

15. Given your talents, passions and values. How could you use these resources to serve, to help, to contribute?

"P"

2010-05-12T07:31:00.002-05:00

In Italy, random cars have a white paper taped to their back windshield. There's a gigantic "P" in a bold black type. It's for people who are learning to drive. It gives warning to the other drivers, and maybe provokes a sense of compassion. Hey - don't yell at me. I'm trying my best. It stands for the word PROVO... which means "I try." I joked with my teacher saying that I need a "P" embroidered on all my shirts so that when I'm speaking Italian I can quickly point to the "P". ... but the reality is that I always need a "P"... in love, in friendship, in my work, at school... And maybe when I look at everyone around me, I need to look at them as if they are wearing a gigantic "P".

Ride This Road

2010-05-09T11:45:00.002-05:00

The road I take to school is flat. You stand on one end and look at the other end and it is as flat as Kansas is supposed to be. It's an easy walk. Flat going towards the center. Flat coming back. Until you get on your bicycle. Going towards the center, you won't need to peddle at all. Just let the gravity you didn't know existed pull you to school. But in the afternoon, you're going to have to work to get home. You're going to feel the burn in your calves and will find yourself huffing and puffing more than you expected. Even though you've done this 187 times.

I have a tendency to stand on other people's streets - and look down them thinking how flat they are... how easy they must be. "Hey," I yell, "go faster!" Maybe I just can't see the incline they are traveling.

"Living Books" List

2010-04-25T13:00:00.006-05:00

from For the Children's Sake: Foundations of Education for Home and School by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay:

The Bible

The Wind and the Willows

Lord of the Rings

Pilgrim's Progress

Chronicles of Narnia

Tanglewood Tales

Grim's Fairy Tales

The Secret Garden

Just So Stories

The Wind in the Willows

Johnny Tremain

Carry On Mr. Bowditch

Oliver Twist

Jane Eyre

The Wheel on the School

The Silver Sword

The Shelden Book of Verses

Star of Light

as well as anything by

Madiline L'Engle

Hans Christian Anderson

Betrix Potter

Laura Engals Wilder

Robert Frost

Shakespear

George MacDonald

For more:

http://www.cca-tucson.org/downloads/misc/living_book_list.pdf

Cold Feet

2010-04-13T09:13:00.002-05:00

It's in the upper fifties today - but I am chilly. The old-school thermometer I keep by my desk says it's 72 inside. Perfect. So, why am I cold? Ahhh... my shoes. Normally I have house-shoes or flip-flops on, but somewhere this afternoon I abandoned them. My apartment is on the first floor, but the building is built up on huge pillars. So, actually, there's a big open space (enough to have a ground floor) between me and the actual ground. It keeps my floors cool in the summer - and freezing in the winter... which would explain why on this brisk spring day, my feet are not so toasty.

In English we use the term "Cold Feet" when we're scared or nervous, when we are doubting. Interesting, isn't it, that when the Lord gives us armor, He provides us with shoes of the Gospel of Peace. ... What battle stands before me today? What am I up against? What am I afraid of? Hmmm... Peace. That's what we have to keep our feet warm...

Sick

2010-04-08T02:20:00.002-05:00

I am sick. It started 18 days ago. My sinuses started acting weird, what happens to me when I get dehydrated. But then I got a cough. No big deal. But I kept coughing. And coughing. I've had ear things - throat things - stomach tings... but not the cough thing. This was new. Then it became a full blown sinus infection. I muddled my way through it. How do you know if it's something you have to live through or something you get medicine for? It kept getting worse. So, after three days of feeling close to dead, I went to the doctor. She gave me antibiotics, something to loosen up all the gunk, and drops to help me stop coughing. Well, I think the antibiotics are working, but not the drops. As for the fizzy drink (think Alka-Seltzer - the preferred form of medicine in Italy) that's to loosen up things - well... I guess it's working. It's loosening up so much, I had to sleep sitting up last night, and if you've ever tried it - you know it doesn't count as sleep. If my body relaxed enough for me to slide down my pillows, I'd wake up choking. I've choked before - but while I was awake, which is scary enough. But, when you're asleep - it's petrifying.

This morning it made me think of this man I know who is in a coma... and how they have had to help him breathe. And I ache for him. Because my little cold will pass and I will soon be breathing without even thinking about it. And I wonder if he gets scared. If he feels like he is choking?

And as I have no more energy to cough, I have been thinking about my sister. She doesn't have much muscular strength and she gets such bad colds. And now I understand how scary it is for her.

I have not been sitting around pouring my heart out to God, "Oh! Why did you curse me with this gunk?" ... I really think it's just part of living in a fallen world. But, I'm glad that just for a moment or two, it's helped me have compassion... which in the end makes it all worth it.

from John Piper

2010-03-28T06:15:00.004-05:00

When you stand before God on the judgement day to give an account... guess
what? He will not give you one minute to itemise the sins against
you.
Not one.

A Quote I Can't Stop Thinking About

2010-03-26T06:10:00.000-05:00

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot... wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you.... The one who turns to his friends and says, 'that's her.'”

The School of God

2010-02-28T09:56:00.003-05:00

It's one of those passages I had to memorize for a quiz back in Bible college. So, I can him-haw around it, but I couldn't even had told you what chapter or book it was in even though I did do Beth Moore's Bible study that centered around the verse. Today I looked it up. 1 Corinthians 2. It talks about us being able to understand things because the Holy Spirit reveals it to us. It says that God can instruct us because we have the mind of Christ. Now, I don't know about you. But I am so thankful for that. Because my mind is too full. Too shallow. Too confused. Sometimes in school, I don't feel that my mind is teachable. It just gets to a point where it shuts off. But, because I have the mind of Christ I am teachable. All the time. And what am I going to learn? This chapter talks about two things: the things God has prepared for those who love Him and what God has freely given us. Hmmm... mercy, grace, love, joy, hope, peace, eternal life. Yah, sign me up for that class.

My Favorite "Love" Quote

2010-02-27T11:26:00.002-05:00

... I was at a party feeling very shy because there were a lot of celebrities around, and I was sitting in a corner alone and a very beautiful young man came up to me and offered me some salted peanuts and he said, "I wish they were emeralds" as he handed me the peanuts and that was the end of my heart. I never got it back.
-Helen Hayes on first meeting her husband, Charles MacArthur

The Gift of Mourning

2010-02-20T06:56:00.002-05:00

I believe that sometimes we just need to chose to be happy. I do. But, I also believe in mourning, which is something we Americans aren't comfortable with. I've been told that I do this well - which ummm... I think is a compliment. It's important for us to see the pain as well as the joy. Didn't C.S. Lewis talk about how we can't have one with out the other? Someone I don't know, but who is counted as a very Godly and wise man, recently wrote:

Depressed today. But, after our long years of communion, I no longer run from
it. It is part of the steady rhythm of my life. The truth is I am wiser when I'm
depressed. Less self confident. Less flippant. More cognizant of uncertainty and
the transience of tomorrow's bright promises. That's OK. There is wisdom in
impotence. The darkness will pass. Until then, even when silent and hidden in
shadows, God is here.

Amen and amen.

Listen Up

2010-02-19T06:58:00.003-05:00

My little old-fashioned radio sits on top of my fridge. I sometimes listen to it for a few minutes while I'm heating the water for my morning cup of warmth. I listen to an English (I know - it's very bad of me) radio station from the American base an hour away. It's called Arm Forces Radio, a very official title. I can't figure out the schedule - but every fifteen minutes it gives a two-minute rundown of the headlines.
What I find interesting is the minutes before and after the news. Often there's a story of a great general, or a prisoner of war that somehow brought his fellow prisoners to freedom. Again and again there are reminders of why the soldiers are doing what they are doing and encouragement in how to do it well.
That's exactly what we need, isn't it? We need the Word. We need each other. We need blogs and magazines and good conversations. We need to be surrounding ourselves with little reminders of who we are and how to live it out.

Clothed in the Love of my Friends

2010-02-14T08:02:00.002-05:00

When I taught Second Grade, we read a play called, "Harlequin and the Gift of Many Colors." It's carnival time and Harlequin doesn't want to join the fun because he doesn't have a costume to wear. His friends convence him to come by each giving a little part of their own costume. He sews the scraps onto a white suit and dazzles everyone at the carnival. As he spins and dances around in a rainbow of colors he said, "I am the happiest of all tonight, for I am clothed in the love of my friends."

The other day as I was walking to school I started thinking about what I was wearing... memories and gifts. My shoes remind me of Priscilla and Katie. My pants, Cheryl. Phil bought me these earrings. My bag is from the ladies at Crossroads. Alisha made my scarf. My sweater is from Lorrene. The umbrella, Meagan. I was listening to my iPod, a gift from my Dad. I, too, was clothed in the love of my friends.

Groundhog Day

2010-02-13T02:55:00.003-05:00

I don't know if you've seen the movie. I watched it for the first time. The character "Phil" relives the same day over and over. Sometimes I have that same feeling on my way to school.

First, it's the lady who doesn't look or act Italian who is always standing on the corner talking on her cellphone. She smiles at me. Then there's the two mothers waiting for the bus with their adorable daughters who are excited for their day at preschool. The one in the red coat tickles me. Next are my fruity people - the people who are unloading the fruit and vegetables from the truck. Their market is always packed in the mornings. The same lady arranges the mounds of flowers in front of an alter of Mary. I always wonder what the other passerbys are going through when they pause for a minute there. On to the next block, where two ladies stand outside the pastry shop. Look. The blue car is pulling up and the lady with the porcupine-like hat is crossing the street. On I go to glance at the red head on the other side of the street. And that one lady on her bicycle. Either she's early or I'm late. I usually pass her further down the road. Ah. The secretary is waiting for the gate to open - and she's embarrassed that her car is blocking the sidewalk. She'll scoot up just a little so that I don't have to walk on the street. There's the pooper-scooper man. Of course, he also is picking up trash. Here comes the man with the brown briefcase. He's so elegant. He walks reading the paper. Then it's the lady with the perfect hair. It looks so natural and full. I wonder where she gets it cut. Onto the park. The lady who always wears a black skirt zips past me. I love her brown boots. Maybe I should wear brown boots with a black outfit. Hmm... These workers still aren't finished with this drain? That lady has a great hair cut, too. Speaking of hair cuts, the hairdresser at the Aveda salon is standing outside the door. She has three different purple sweaters. Turn the corner. That man is on his way to work. We stare at each other but never smile. At another salon the lady with the short curly hair is working on a customer. Turn the corner. The man from the leather store is opening his door. The lady at the needle work store is vacuuming. The two men who are working on the Red Cross building are just standing around. I smell the bakery. A lady is just arriving at her office. She take off her coat. Looks at messages on her desk. Then it's he door man at school. And I hear the church bells. It's 9 am. Time for school.

Ci vidiamo domani. We'll see each other tomorrow when it all happens all over again.

His Grace is Enough

2010-02-09T13:46:00.003-05:00

I knew my test score would be a little lower than I thought. It always is. I was prepared for it to be lower than I had wanted. But not that low. All morning long I did the best I could to stay in that chair when I just was ready to go. After four long hours, I was finally released to go home. And then the teacher grabbed me and pulled me into the office. "What's wrong." I explained how disheartened I was. She gave me the normal speech about how hard it is to learn a language and that I'm doing well, etc., etc... and she hugged me - which was of more value than the pep-talk. Of course I cried as soon as I got home. For a long while. But, not too long - because I needed to go back to school in the afternoon for a tour. Another professor was leading a tour on the Roman history and architecture of Verona.

There were five of us. One lady had lived hear for twenty years and was just now taking her first Italian course. Three other students had just begun school yesterday. As the tour went on, the teacher realised that the beginning students did not understand anything. So, he asked me to translate. Which I could. It was easy. It was fun. I ate it up.

At one point he said, "Oh! I'm so glad you're here. Thanks for giving me a hand." I told him what a blessing it was for me since I was so discouraged this morning. I told him I remember coming on other tours and not understanding anything. Yes, I remember.

I walked home feeling so full. Not that my Italian is perfect. It's so far from it... but God's grace is! But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 2 Corinthians 1:9

On Your Mark... Get Set...

2010-02-08T09:08:00.002-05:00

My To-Do board runs in two month cycles. Everything I need to get done for February and March is up there. I'll erase things as they're done. I'll add things as I think of them. It seems overwhelming sometimes. When I'm tired and am looking up from the couch, my eyes glaze over and it seems impossible. But the key is to quit wining. To quit grumbling. To just choose one thing and do it. Even if it's not fun. And little by little there will be spots cleared off. So, here I go.

Sin

2010-02-08T06:48:00.002-05:00

So often, when someone brings up the word "sin" what immediately comes to mind is not the sin - but the consequences of the sin and how it will affect my life. What would happen if I was grieved - really grieved - not by the consequences or even the sin itself - but the fact that God's heart was grieved? Wouldn't that change how I view "sinners"... how I view my own sinful nature? Because when I see the weight of something that hurts God I must then follow through to the Cross. To Repentance. To Mercy. To Reconciliation. And I can find hope again.

Long Term Hair Commitment

2010-02-03T11:32:00.002-05:00

I am coming to the last phase of my Long Term Hair Commitment. I have just one more inch to go before I am allowed to get anything more than a trim. It has been a long two years (made longer by a haircut that was not what the picture showed) with several awkward stages thrown in. It's been a longer time since I've been able to put my hair in a bun. 12 years! I had forgotten how much I love wearing a bun. I call it my I Secretly Want To Be A Professional Ice-Skater Or The Queen of Some Small South American Country look.

And every time I put my hair up, I am reminded of what it is to live life intentionally, purposefully. If I can be this steadfast in reaching a goal concerning dead cells - then shouldn't I be more dilligent in living towards goals that really matter?

Tiramisu, Please.

2010-01-29T08:17:00.003-05:00

Today I heard the story* of tiramisu. But, I'm going to warn you. It will change how you view the dessert.

First you need to understand the three parts of the word.

tira - a command "lift"

mi - "me"

su - "now" (kind of)

So, it literally means - lift me now... or how we would say "I need a pick-me-up...", meaning that I need something to cheer me up and give me more energy for what ever is ahead of me. Next, you need to understand the contents of tiramisu: eggs, coffee, chocolate, sugar. Things that will wake you up and give you the energy you need.

Thus, tiramisu made a perfect "pick-me-up" for weary prostitutes. There you have it.

This afternoon I'll be cleaning my house and studying. And it's the Friday after a very full and tiring week. Don't think I didn't stop and get a little Tiramisu on the way home. I totally did.

*I'm going to hold on to this history, although some people dare to think that Tiramisu was invented by Roberto Lingganatto at the Beccherie resturant in Treviso in the 1970's. Bah humbug to that, I say. But, believe which ever story allows you to eat one more bite.

Let the Sunshine In

2010-01-27T09:42:00.002-05:00

I thought my light fixtures were good - doing their job... especially in the last five months of grey skies. But today the sun shown. Right in through my French doors. Two days ago I cleaned my kitchen well since company came yesterday. But when today's sun appeared - so did dirt, crumbs and grime. What in the world? Where did it all come from? It had always been there... I just couldn't see it.

Of course this makes me realize how much we need the Eternal Light to really see our sins. Only with a dim light do we ever think ourselves Clean Enough.

A Treat for Your Taste Buds

2010-01-26T12:05:00.004-05:00

Do you need a quick snack or want to gussy-up a meal of soup? Or maybe you need to find a simple and easy appetizer for a party... Here's one of my favorite things to eat.

All you need is:

Melba Toast

Shredded Parmesan Cheese

Diced Tomatoes

A Small Jar of Pesto Sauce

OK. This is the tricky part. Just kidding! Spread the pesto onto the toast and top with the cheese and tomatoes. Perfecto.

Now, if you want to get all fancy - add diced... well, diced anything. HEB has little containers of diced peppers. Yummmmmy...

I can almost taste one now. Oh, I really can taste one. It's in my mouth. Deliscioso!