A Letter For A Friend Going On A First Date (And A Deep Rooted Confession)
My husband is wearing two different socks. When I came
into the kitchen this morning, the first thing I said was, "I'm
sorry." David me a quizzical look. So, I added,
"for the socks." He laughed and said that the tops of them are
both black (one has gray underneath) and so they are fine.
The issue of my heart isn't that anyone else will care what
kind of socks he's wearing. The issue is that he would
be disappointed in me. I have a very mild case of the shingles,
but I was really sick with a fever last weekend, and have not felt the best
this week - so, laundry has not been my priority. David has shown his
love again and again, doing a ton of housework. He's brought me coffee in
the morning. And, I've been really emotional (part of shingles can be a
little touch of depression) added to PMS. We've had good talks and sweet
back rubs. And he has found lots of ways to entertain me. Not once
has he complained about the laundry. He doesn't care about the laundry.
He was a bachelor for a long time and can do the laundry himself, and is
used to wearing mis-matched socks. Under his boots he wears to work, no
one sees them. And he is just so easy going. No big deal.
He loves me. He doesn't love me more when the laundry
is all done and put away. He doesn't love me less when the laundry is
still in the dryer. Or even if it's in the dirty clothes hamper.
I'm the one who is putting on the pressure. Like if the laundry
isn't done, he will be disappointed in me. If the freezer is so
full something falls out, he will be angry with me. If I over spend on
something, he will be disgusted with me. If I say the wrong
words, he will give up on me. If I ______________, he will quit loving
me.
The real issue of my heart is that I don't
believe his love. Even though he has proven it again and again.
When I wake up with crazy-crazy hair, and
mascaraed raccoon eyes, with an extra pound from that nasty frozen pizza
last night, and am being selfish and self-centered, he loves me. When
I make mistakes he so quickly says, it's ok and everything's
gonna be alright. When he makes mistakes, he's quick to say I'm
sorry and I love you. He kisses my neck, holds my
hands, wraps his strong arms around me - all the time. All the time.
He makes me feel beautiful and desirable. He makes me laugh, really
laugh, almost every day. He never expects me to be perfect.
Never.
But then I so easily forget it all. Two unmatched
socks can erase all that in an instant. I don't know. Why is this?
Is this because I am a perfectionist? Is this because I have spent
so many years as a single women thinking I was being rejected because I wasn't
perfect? Or is this even deeper?
The real real issue of my heart is that I
am not trusting God's love for me. I enjoy it.
I frolic in it. I see the beauty in it. But I don't
live in it. I don't believe it. One little thing can erase all the
Truth in an instant.
I have written down a few phrases from Galatians that
struck me. I keep these note cards by the bed to read in the morning and
at night. And each time I come across the one that says, "the Son of
God, who loved me and gave himself for me" - I am startled. Really?
He really loves me? How is it that I have sung "Jesus loves
me" thousands of times, and yet, that truth is evasive to me.
So, here you are, ready for your date. And you will
fix your hair and then fix it again. You will plan your words. And
you will try to plan your heart.
A good friend would tell you that you are incredible...
and if he can't see that then he is blind. A good friend would tell you
that you are beautiful and funny, smart and so talented, and you will make an
incredible wife and mother... and if he can't sense that then he is so not
worthy of you.
But if I tell you those things, then I am stopping short.
I'm not telling you the whole truth.
Jesus loves you, my friend. And you might not feel it
when you don't get invited to a dinner party for couples only. And you might not feel it when you're at yet another wedding making sure you're in the
bathroom during the bouquet toss. And you might not feel it
when you're behind on your taxes, your emails, your laundry. And you might
not feel it when you've hurt the people you love the most. And you might
not feel it when your sin seems so deep and so wide.
I married my husband for lots of reasons. But, what I
remember him saying when we first met is what I really need to know: At
the end of the day, you cling to Jesus. And that's just where we - both
you and I need to cling to the truth that Yes, Jesus Loves Me. The Bible
Tells Me So.
My husband will fail me. One of us is going to leave
with the other one standing at a grave. But, Jesus - and Jesus's love -
that's eternal. I just want to really, really know that.
I hope you have so much fun on this date. I have
vicarious butterflies! I hope that you can keep your heart guarded, but I
hope he falls head-over-heals. I hope that he is the one. And
whether or not he is, I pray that you will fall more in love with The One who
loves you more than you know.
I pray that out of his glorious riches he
may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,
so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that
you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together will all the
saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and
to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the
measure of all the fullness of God. Galatians 2:20
I love you, my dear-dear friend. Can't wait to hear
about your date!
Praying!
april
Comments
Did God whisper in your ear of what has been going on in my heart? :) Thank you for a such a beautiful truth. That He is and always be more than enough. Thank you for sharing.
I love you!