An Open Letter to Married Women With Children in the Church

I know you’re busy.  I know that you are sometimes barely surviving the day.  I know that your kids are your priority.  But I am begging you to open your eyes to see the single women in your church.  I beg you to open your heart, your home, your life to these women.

1.Talk to them.  It’s easy to talk to other moms because you are going through the same things and talking about kids is an easy starting place for relationships.  And you do need each other to support and encourage your important job.  But, I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone.  You might not share the same routine, but you share the same God.  Often you are so occupied with your kiddos, that the only people single women get to really talk to at church– are your husbands.  And that’s not healthy for anyone.

Lilly McFerrin

2. Invite them in.  Invite them into your messy, crazy, fun world.  And quit apologizing for a house that looks like kids live in it.  And don’t complain about it, either.   I saw a quote recently that said, “Quit worrying about your stretch marks – there are hundreds of women who wish they had them.”  And that’s true for crayon art on the wall and little underoos hidden behind the couch and Legos on the floor.  These things represent the little gifts you have running around your house.  Perhaps these single women will eventually be mothers, and you have this great opportunity to show them what grace looks like in the thick of it.  Perhaps they will never be moms, and your kids will be the kids they get to love.

3. Speak into their hearts.  Single women carry a burden that might seem luxurious to you: time, money, energy, that they have to do with whatever they wish.  A four hour bubble bath and a riveting book.  An instant trip to Europe for the weekend.  But, they carry a loneliness that is deep.  And in that loneliness Satan whispers a thousand lies.  Remind them of who God is.  Remind them of His grace.  Remind them that they are redeemed and being sanctified.  Remind them that their singleness, though it hurts, is for God’s glory and their own good.

The truth is – this goes for everyone.  It goes for how you love the married who do not or cannot have children.  It goes for the empty nesters.  It goes for the widow.  Move beyond yourself and reach into their lives.

And then the tables get turned, don’t they?  Single women – you have to step out and grab hold of the women with kids.  You have to invite them over – even if it means a family of eight will be crammed into your little apartment.  Even if it means your favorite lamp gets broken.  Those families need you!  You can love them and serve them and in turn they can glorify God because of your open heart.  You might be the relationship those kids need.   And don’t for a second think that a wife with three kids isn’t lonely.  She would love someone who really pursues her for more than just Cheerios and juice.  She would love to be known and encouraged, too.  Offer to help her with the laundry – and offer to love her kids – and offer to love her.  And, for those moms who are raising kiddos on their own... Let's over-love them instead of over-looking them.

So, I guess this really is an open letter to everyone.  We need each other.  The young need the old.  The singles need the married.  The infertile need the fertile.  We are sisters, after all.

Maybe we should act like it.