Taming the Wild Me

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One of my coworkers is an Equine Therapist.  Although I’m not a horse lover, I am fascinated by the actual therapy and exercises that have to do with a person’s brain and … well, insides.  She was explaining a lot to me this week, and it’s been rolling around my mind.

Horses are directly responsive to whoever is with them.  “Horses know,” I’ve been told.  When someone is compassionate and gentle, the horse opens and gives himself readily.    

So, when I came across the King James version of Psalm 26, those horses were what I pictured.

Examine me, O LORD, and prove me; try my reins and my heart.  (Psalm 26:2)

Try my reins.

It is from the Hebrew, kilyâh.  Used literally, it is a physical kidney, but figuratively it is the seat of emotion and affection.  Which is why it is often translated as the mind. 

But the next verse is what caught in my throat:

For thy lovingkindness is before mine eyes: and I have walked in thy truth.  (Psalm 26:3)

With the risk of sounding cheesy: I am the horse.  God is the horse whisperer. 

I am the wild mustang that in response to God’s lovingkindness, is broken and settled and at peace.

But that lovingkindness has to be right in front of my face.

chêsêd: God’s mercy, kindness, lovingkindess, goodness, favor…

Many days, the only thing before my eyes is a mirror that is  etched “Worship Me.” I am so blinded by me that I cannot see God’s lovingkindess.   I need the Great Whisperer to remind me that His chêsêd is right in front of my face. 

But this I call to mind,
    and therefore I have hope:

The steadfast love (chêsêd) of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
    “therefore I will hope in him.”

The Lord is good to those who wait for him,
    to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
    for the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man that he bear
    the yoke in his youth.

 Let him sit alone in silence
    when it is laid on him;

let him put his mouth in the dust—
    there may yet be hope;
let him give his cheek to the one who strikes,
    and let him be filled with insults.

For the Lord will not
    cast off forever,
but, though he cause grief, he will have compassion
    according to the abundance of his steadfast love (chêsêd) …

Lamentations 3:22-32 (ESV)

So rich a text.  So true and holy. 

I do want to His chêsêd to be what I’m looking for.  I do want to walk in His truth and not in how my emotions discombobulate the truth.  I love how the this part of writer Lamentations says that he has to stop and call to mind God’s faithfulness.  He has to take time to remember it and soak it in.  Hey, mind- turn back to this: God is faithful!

My hope is in God – not my situation.  Not even in me becoming better and getting a grip on things.  I must wait for God’s perfect sovereignty.  I must wait for Him.  He will be faithful.  He is always Good.  He is my portion.

Lord, put your chêsêd right in front of my eyes!